THE INTERVIEW
(1/29/24) Twas the night before the big day….I ironed my favorite white collar shirt and dress pants and layed them perfectly on my sofa. I then called up a rich buddy of mine and ask to borrow his rolex and his fancy car for a few hours. I wanted to make a great impression that I was somewhere going somewhere. I then went online and looked up the 10 most common questions an interviewer would ask and look up all the suppose right answers to those questions. I practiced answering those questions for the next hour. I was prepared like never and was going to ace this interview and was already thinking how I would spend my new paycheck from my new company. I was working in the financial industry and this was going to be a big step up the corporate ladder. I was ready to be a “Yes Man”.
Fast forward to the Interview…
I met with a few supposedly important people in the company and sat in that room for over an hour. Every question that was thrown at me…I aced with flying colors. It was a done deal. This job was mine. After a few handshakes and flashing my beautiful smile I headed out the door. As I walked past the waiting area, there was this gorgeous girl in a short skirt sitting there. I knew she was next to be interviewed and at that point I knew I was toast and dead meat. Two days later I received a phone call from human resource and said they decided to go with another candidate because she was more qualified. It was the last time I interviewed for another financial job as I left the industry. The lesson to be learned is…eye candy will always prevail…
This brings us to the what do Bill Belichick and I have in common? We both were very qualified for a job but end up didn’t get it because we were not eye candy. The Atlanta Falcons interviewed Belichick for its open position and decided to hired Raheem Morris instead. For Atlanta, shouldn’t this be a no brainer? Belichick’s resume of 6 Superbowl rings apparently was not good enough. Why bring him in for an interview at all? Rumor has it that it came down to one question that decided the two candidates.
COACHING CANDIDATE #1.
Atlanta Falcons: so Bill, what can you tell us about Atlanta and the hundreds of strip clubs in the area…We are the strip club capital of America if you didn’t know.
Belichick: uummmm… I just want to focus on football. Next question..
FAILED!!
COACHING CANDIDATE #2
Atlanta Falcons: so Raheem, what can you tell us about Atlanta and the hundreds of strip clubs in the area…We are the strip club capital of America if you didn’t know.
Morris: Well, I think they are great and absolutely love them. Its a great place to watch people. I would also encouraged the players to go often to take their mind off football and keep them fresh. Them going and making it rain definitely will help Atlanta’s economic development.
THUMBS UP!! LIKED!
The Falcons owners are as dumb as you can get but the players are happy. Maybe the Falcons didn’t want Belichick to be a daily reminder of 28-3. Belichick was going to be strict and when Falcon’s ownership went to the players for their opinion…the players of course didn’t want Belichick. Belichick hiring means no more time at the strip clubs. Raheem Morris you know is going to try to relate to these players and what better way to build team chemistry then having coaches and players bond at strip clubs. Coaches are also not worried about a bad loss because a good lap dance will put a smile back on the players’ faces.
ON THE RECORD
(2/9/24) Everyone has an opinion on the Super Bowl..Everyone is regurgitating the same analysis on the game. The most annoying are the guys that straddle the fence on their pick. The guys that can’t commit and are wishy washy…“I THINK the Chiefs win but it wouldn’t suprise me if the Niners won”…for god’s sake choose a side and don’t use the word “think”…be a man say things like “Chiefs will win” or show confident and say “I am putting my life on the line and taking the Chiefs”..
The thing with everyone making picks is that after the game for some reason their picks are scrub from the internet and never to be seen again. Let’s put these guys on record and see who they pick to win the game without the spread.
Predicting a Chiefs win (49)
Alaina Getzenberg, Bills reporter: 27-24
Alden Gonzalez, writer: 31-27
Ben Baby, Bengals reporter: 34-14
Brooke Pryor, Steelers reporter: 27-24
Courtney Cronin, Bears reporter: 31-28
Dan Graziano, national NFL reporter: 20-17
Dan Orlovsky, NFL analyst: 24-21
David Newton, Panthers reporter: 32-27
David Purdum, sports betting reporter: 31-23
Elizabeth Merrill, senior writer: 31-28
Eric Karabell, NFL fantasy analyst: 34-17
Eric N. Moody, NFL fantasy analyst: 31-28
Eric Woodyard, Lions reporter: 23-20
Erin Dolan, sports betting analyst: 24-20
Field Yates, NFL analyst: 27-24
Jake Trotter, Browns reporter: 28-24
Jason Reid, Andscape senior NFL writer: 34-17
Jeff Legwold, Broncos reporter: 28-23
Jenna Laine, Buccaneers reporter: 28-24
John Buccigross, commentator: 29-28
Jordan Raanan, Giants reporter: 23-17
Jordan Reid, NFL draft analyst: 27-24
Josh Weinfuss, Cardinals reporter: 33-24
Kevin Seifert, Vikings reporter: 31-26
Kris Rhim, Chargers reporter: 27-23
Lindsey Thiry, national NFL reporter: 28-25
Liz Loza, NFL fantasy analyst: 24-23
Marcel Louis-Jacques, Dolphins reporter: 27-21
Marcus Spears, NFL analyst: 28-24
Matt Bowen, NFL analyst: 27-23
Matt Miller, NFL draft analyst: 28-24
Michael DiRocco, Jaguars reporter: 27-21
Michael Rothstein, Falcons reporter: 27-23
Mike Reiss, Patriots reporter: 31-21
Mike Tannenbaum, NFL analyst: 31-21
Mina Kimes, NFL analyst: 27-24
Paul Gutierrez, Raiders reporter: 27-21
Rex Ryan, NFL analyst: 31-24
Rich Cimini, Jets reporter: 31-24
Rob Demovsky, Packers reporter: 27-24
Robert Griffin III, NFL analyst: 31-21
Sal Paolantonio, national NFL reporter: 30-20
Sarah Barshop, Rams reporter: 31-24
Stephen Holder, Colts reporter: 24-21
Tedy Bruschi, NFL analyst: 24-21
Tim Hasselbeck, NFL analyst: 27-17
Tim McManus, Eagles reporter: 34-30
Tristan H. Cockcroft, NFL fantasy analyst: 27-21
Turron Davenport, Titans reporter: 27-21
Predicting a 49ers win (15)
Brady Henderson, Seahawks reporter: 24-23
Daniel Dopp, NFL fantasy analyst: 31-20
DJ Bien-Aime, Texans reporter: 27-21
Doug Greenberg, sports betting reporter: 27-20
Jamison Hensley, Ravens reporter: 31-17
Jeremy Fowler, national NFL reporter: 27-24
John Keim, Commanders reporter: 20-17
Katherine Terrell, Saints reporter: 28-21
Michelle Beisner-Buck, NFL feature reporter: 27-24
Mike Clay, NFL fantasy analyst: 25-23
Seth Walder, analytics writer: 26-24
Seth Wickersham, senior writer: 20-19
Stephania Bell, NFL fantasy analyst: 27-21
Tim Keown, senior writer: 28-24
Todd Archer, Cowboys reporter: 28-26
God, the almightly: 38-17
Playbook Perspective: 41-17
Playbook Perspective is going on the record and taking the Niners to win this game. God has also chimed in from his busy schedule and is taking the Niners to win the game.
UPDATE 2/12/24!!: BECAUSE WE WERE WRONG IN OUR PREDICTION…THIS ARTICLE WILL BE SCRAPE FROM THE INTERNET AND ALL EVIDENCE TO BE ELIMINATED….BUT WE PROMISE TO DO BETTER NEXT TIME.
BE SMART
(2/6/24) Millions of dollars will be wager on the Superbowl come this Sunday. There are hundreds of prop bets and most of these props are suckers bet. If you want to throw a few bucks like $5 on the coin toss or $2 on the color of the gatorade so be it. Its ok if you are a recreational better who just wants some small action so you can be invested in the game. But please do us a favor and don’t jump up and down at the Sportsbook and high fiving your friends when your $5 cashes because heads came up on the coin toss. Over the top celebrations should be reserve for people wagering a minimum of $1000 or above. Security should be allow to come over and see your wagering ticket and if you are acting as if you won the lottery with your $3 bet you should be escorted out of the Sportsbook. Maybe there should be a room for smaller rollers who can jump up and down because they have $10 riding on the over. Maybe I do have to apologize because that $10 could be his life savings…you know what? I am going to take back my apology because if that $10 was the last of your life savings..you should put it to better use like buying a new pair of socks so your feet can feel comfortable when you are out walking and looking for a job.
Here at PP we want to help you make decisions that will change your life when it comes to being a smarter sports bettor. This article is mainly for the higher end bettor who is looking to lay some serious money.
1. Lay off the dumb bets. Gatorade color, coin toss, national anthem time etc…these bets are pretty much for people who knows nothing about football and wants some action. We are talking about your cousin who can’t tell the difference between a basketball and a football.
2. Lay off kicking props. Never trust kickers on anything. These guys just have one job to do and it seems like they always fail when the time comes. Tyler Bass as we speak is fishing somewhere ( pun intended)..Jake Moody? Get ready this guy is going to change the mood of millions of bettors, players when its time for him to make a big kick. Adam Vinatieri just raise his hand and said to trust him with a big kick..ok I stand corrected that there is one kicker you can trust in a big game.
3. Layoff player parlays. Kittle 100+ receiving yard and Mahomes 300+ passing yards and 3 passing TDs. Too many things need to happen. They are the same as multi team parlays. Don’t get suckered into the big payouts. Speaking of parlay, what can be more annoying than a guy hogging a betting kiosk for 45 minutes because he is trying to put together a 15 team parlay for his $2 wager. The horror continues as he feed another $1 into the machine and his brain starts working overdrive assembling his next 20 team parlay across 3 different sports.
4. Never bet on player props unless you take the under only. The public loves taking the over while the smart bettor always takes the under. Look at it this way…if you took Mahomes over 260 passing yards…it is going to take a few quarters for you to win that bet. He is not going to throw for 260 yards in the first quarter. However, if you took the under…..Mahomes can get injured on the 4th play less than 5 minutes into the game and your ticket is a winner. in summary, you can win a bet in 5 minutes on the under but its impossible to win the bet in 5 minutes if you took over 260 passing yards.
5. This is the most important….Only bet on game results that is team oriented where you can make adjustments during the game. Adjustments???Adjustments?? Yes, Jim Mora, I am talking about adjustments not playoffs…There are some bets that you can make adjustments during the game to offset some risk. For example…there is a prop that has the total net yards on the game …(currently its around 700 net yards for both teams)…For example if you took the over 700 net yards and lets say half way through 3 quarters its a high scoring game and its already 550 net yards…at this point if you decide you want to protect your bet and make adjustments…You just have to bet an in game wager on the total going under. Why? because if teams are going to start playing conservative and not accumulate much net yards then you are most likely going to win your UNDER bet… If the teams continue to be aggressive then the over 700 net yards is going to be a easy winner. The beauty is that you put yourself in a great situation to perhaps win both wagers and at worst break even on.
Once again if you were to wager big money then you need to follow the rules from above. If you just want to make it rain with $1, $5 or $10 wagers then go enjoy yourself and bet on whatever props floats your boat. Again, please don’t jump and down and blocking my view of the game with your $2 ticket. Millions of people bet on sports but only a few can actually win because sports betting is a science backed up by stats and outside the box analysis that takes years and years of experience to become good at it. Yes there is luck involve but the best bettors try to minimize it and not rely on it.
Good luck to everyone wagering on the game.
THE RIGHT TO REMAIN SILENT
(1/16/24) Winning changes alot of things and apparently it can do wonders for a city and its people. Its been 32 years since the Detroit Lions won a playoff game. Some would say the football gods are so cruel and how could they do this to a lovely city such as Detroit? Robocop was sent to clean up Detroit decades ago and as of 2024 Detroit is still a garbage dump filled with criminals and a perfect location for Hollywood to film its next zombie apocalypse movie with its run down homes .Call you realtor now and for the price of a nice flat screen TV..you can move into this great 3 bedroom home in Detroit for $2500. Windows and doors are pre-boarded up so you are ahead of the curb when it comes to looting and rioting. Yes its $2500 and we are not missing a few zeroes at the end.
All of a sudden this victory over the Rams and the whole city is coming together? Detroit is now a special place filled with special people. Its a great city to book your next vacation. People in Detroit are all of a sudden coming together holding hands and dancing in the streets because of one Lions win. Talk about a city that has low expectations. The truth is the drug dealers are still dealing drugs as we speak. Robberies are still happening in broad daylight across the city. Assaults are happening and as usual the response time for law enforcement to show up at a scene is over 45 minutes.
Detroit was known as the “Motor City” and all this time we thought it had to do with the cars being made there but we have been wrong all these years. “Motor City” came about because of all the crimes happening and it was better to just leave the motor running for a quick get away. Turning off the engine and turning it back on was not efficient when committing crimes because every seconds count for a good get away.
Everyone in Detroit is going to love one another till the next game and if the Lions were to lose…watch out! Crime will quadriple after the game, buildings will burn and maybe Robocop and ED-209 is needed once again to finally finish the job and clean the streets scurrying with vermins. Think quick!! Name a superhero that is based in Detroit….you can’t because its a city not worth saving.
If it takes sports to change a city for the better then the city is pathetic. Detroit needs to wake up and clean up its act and not look up to Jared Goff as a savior. If Goff is indeed a savior then set up a roundtable of him and the criminals of Detroit and see if he can convince them to turn over a new leaf and become law abiding citizens. How about a idea of natural selection to clean up the city. Release 100 real lions in the city and let nature takes its course. Who knows maybe one day someone might utter such unthinkable words such as “I booked a 3 week vacation in Detroit! “.
BREAKING NEWS!!
(1/8/24) When I hear “attention shoppers” at Walmart, I tend to look up from my phone like a ostrich sticking its head out of the sand to hear the announcement because I wouldn’t want to miss out on some great deal. In today’s society its hard to get people’s attention. An adult human being has an average attention span of 8 seconds..while a goldfish has an average attention span of 9 seconds. This goes to show that goldfish are slightly more patience than an adult. NFL games are great because it has our full attention for 3.5 hours because we either has money on the game or has rooting interest because of fantasy football. Like life there are people that often ruins everything for everyone because they are incompetent and often wasting our time. We are talking about NFL referees. Week in, week out, these guys are just raining on our parade and testing our patience. America can tell within 2 seconds whether or not it was a catch. However, with 7 NFL officials on the field, these geniuses will gather around and discuss endlessly for 15 minutes and still get the damn call wrong. What is going on here? Like those magicians that like to reveal how a trick is done…we are going to reveal what is going with these officials.
It starts with….a pass thrown by a QB to a receiver, the receiver dives for the ball gets up and does a “pull up” motion saying its a catch while the defense waives his arms saying no catch. Two NFL officials then approach each other and calls it a catch…End of story right?? Wrong! So it begins with these famous words…
“The previous play is under reviewed!”
At this point all 7 officials gathered around and the main official puts on his headphones and look into the replay monitor and communicates with review headquarters in New York.
This is what happens next (dramatization or is it??):
Official #1: So whats the live line on this game? Cowboys -3?
Official #2: I have the Cowboys on the money line, we need to call this a catch. I need the Cowboys to win this game straight up!
Official #3: Hey Joe, ask them what is the current total for the game.
Official #1: umm…headquarters is telling me the current total is at 48.5.
Official #4: 48.5? Put me down for 1K on the over, we need to call this a catch.
meanwhile 10 minutes of real time has passed……
Officials #2: replay shows he clearly trapped the ball but who cares…we decides whether its a catch or not.
Officials #5: Hey ask headquarters what is the current line for the Chiefs game at 4pm. I need to get some money down..I am having a bad week, I need to chase my losses.
Officials #1: Ok guys, last chance to get your bets in or else we would need to wait for the next review to get updated line on this game.
Officials #2: We good for now. The ball hit the ground but let’s just call it a catch for our sake *wink wink*
20 minutes of real time has passed and finally…
Officials #1: Upon careful review, the ball hit the ground but we are still calling it a catch. First down Cowboys!!
There it is folks. The truth has been revealed. These guys are taking forever not because they want to get the play right but to make sure they get the latest line on this game and other games and also to put in some live bets in. Officials need to be on the same page on these bets and to make sure the results of these plays favors them. Priority one is to protect the financial interests of those involve and who cares if anyone gets screwed over. They will be the one cashing the checks.
TOMMY BOY
(12/18/23) The NFL season is long and has many great stories … Brock Purdy may be the real deal and let’s not forget about the best “White” running back ever in the history of the NFL in Christian McCaffrey. Hip hop enthusiast will know him as Run CMC. Then you have the other guys who burst onto the scene and have the media bend backwards trying to do stories on how incredible their journey was. Remember Joshua Dobbs? He had a few good weeks and now where is this guy? He stinked up the joint against the Raiders and is now back to a nobody on the bench. Dobbs has been on 7 different teams and he is only 28 years old. This pretty much tells us he is a career backup at best.
Exit Dobbs but don’t worry here comes the next circus clown to entertain us for the rest of the NFL season…his name is Tommy Devito. His agent is Sean Stellato. This time it’s a two for one package and a tag team effort to entertain us for a couple of weeks thanks to Daniel Jones and his season ending ACL injury. Tommy Devito could have just came in and played some football but him and his agent decides that its their time to shine Italian style. His agent quickly brought a fake gold necklace and some mob appropriate clothing to show that he did indeed has been watching The Sopranos religiously and wants us to know he is a real life mobster. The blame is on the Giants and their failure to control these two ego maniacs. They have become bigger than the team and its becoming a Sopranos reality tv show. Daniel Jones probably needs protective custody from the FBI because Tommy Devito’s agent may be planning a hit so that his boy Tommy is the future of the Giants. We are speculating of course but hopefully the FBI has already wire tap the Giants locker room. Why is this guy Sean Stellato allow to roam around on the sidelines dressed like a clown during the game as if he is someone important? Not sure how many Giant players are rolling their eyes constantly when this guy shows up daily to practices and games.
Let’s just hope this guy has a longer career than Danny Devito. In real life, you get 15 minutes of fame but in the NFL you get 4-5 weeks before you get exposed and then the clock runs out and you turn back into a meatball in the case of Tommy Devito. Only in New York can this stuff happens and thanks to what is happening no teams in the NFL would want Tommy Devito as a backup.
MONEY MAKING OPPORTUNITY (WINNER!!)
(8/21/23) Its time to give back to our community. Its time to make some money for you guys. We did all the hardwork and went through numerous betting props for the NFL season and has narrow it done to the ONE bet you need to make RIGHT NOW! This bet has a 90% chance of winning so don’t be the one person not in line to cash this ticket. So head to the ATM machine, run to your bank, dig up that wad of cash underneath your mattress and get ready to put that money to good use. As always, we need to remind everyone this is for entertainment purposes only and any financial investment you make you should consult with your financial advisor. Most of us probably don’t have a financial advisor so let us be your financial advisor on this one.
Their is a secret to betting NFL props. If you have to bet something always look for an under. NEVER BET ANYTHING ON THE OVER!. There are numerous factors working against you but the PRIMARY reason is the dreaded injury. All the props are forcasted assuming the player will stay relatively healthy and the rest of his teammates are so too. For example, if you bet a quarterback to go over 4000 passing, the sportsbook is factoring in the wideouts for that QB. If both WR does misses significant playing time, that QB is not going to go over 4000 yards.
If you take an over, you need to survive a whole season. However, if you take an under, an injury can sometime lock up a win at any point in the season. For example, if you took the under in Justin Jefferson receiving yards and if he breaks his leg in the 2nd quarter of the Week 1 and is out 8 games, there is no way he is going to go over on his yardage props. You can start counting your money after week 1!!. We get people like betting on the overs because its more exciting. You want to be entertained or do you want to win money? Being entertained does not get you a bigger TV, does not get you a table at the fancy steak house, nor does it pay for your mortgage. Winning money is satisfying because it might not solve all your problems but it can provide moment of happiness and upgrade your living conditions. Don’t tell me upgrading that 24″ TV in your living room to a massive 85″ TV does not improve your quality of life. You no longer has to squint your eyes to see how many yards to go on a 3rd down.
Without further ado….TAKE THE UNDER IN THE TOTAL PASSING YARDS FOR BRYCE YOUNG AT 3400 YARDS. First this guy is not going to survive the whole season and will be injured at some point. He is too small. He is listed at 5’10” and barely over 200 lbs. Most NFL QB are at least 220. If you watched the preseason games he can barely see over the line and that will cause hestitation which will lead to sacks and hard hit on the guy. Carolina offensive line is mediocre and ranks right in the middle of the pack around 15-16 so he is won’t be protected. Every QB in the league will have to endure plenty of unnecessary roughness like late hits. Young will go down on one of these hits and because the Panthers want to protect their future franchise QB, they will not rush his back and might even shut him down late in the season.
So take the under 3400 passing yards on Bryce Young and you can thank us later. PlaybookPerspective will set up a Gofundme account later toward the end of the season and your minor donations will greatly be appreciated.
FAILED
(4/28/23) Visting human resource is like a box of chocolate. You never know what is 4going to happen. It could be good news or it could be bad news. Back in the days, we would have to go to human resource to pick up our checks and while taking that walk there, we would think about how we were going to celebrate that night. On the other side, we could be called into human resource because someone has a complaint against you. The absolute worst is one time I went to into human resource to pick up my check and outside stood 2 policemen. Luckily they were not there for me but someone was going to experience riding in the back of a goverment vehicle that day.
Somewhere at human resource in Connecticut….(this may or may not have happened and may just be a dramatization)
MK : Hi, I am here to pick up my paycheck.
Mary (human resource):Sure, what’s the name?
MK:Melvin Kiper
Mary:wow!! You’re that draft expert with the great hair.
MK:Yea that would be me, I try to do what I can do. I am a draft guru.
Mary: I see….I happened to look through your paycheck by accident and I see you got paid 750k for putting together a mock draft??
MK:Yea, I am an expert.
Mary: ummm…but you only got one right correct in the first round! Even my grandma got the first overall pick right!
MK: well…goodbye..see you next year.
Mel Kiper’s 1st round prediction:
We are not going to torture you by showing the rest of his prediction because they were all wrong! This guy got 1 right. We get that there are trades but comeon 1 right?? He got the 1st overall pick right and thats it! 99% of people that follows the NFL knew who was going number 1 overall. There were 31 teams drafting this year and by hitting just 1 correct he has a whopping 3% accuracy. We get that he has a full set of hair and hairspray and gell company loves him but this guy was suppose to be a draft expert! If a draft expert mean getting 1 right, I also should be a draft expert. I was at a kids birthday party and there was a clown there who happens to follow football. I asked him who is going 1st overall all and he looked at me funny and said “are you an idiot?” of course its going to be Bryce Young. This clown scares me because I think being a clown part-time was like an outlet for him to release his anger. Long story short, so because this clown got Bryce Young correct,,,is he now a draft expert too because he and Kiper thought alike and had 1 correct.
Mock drafts are a complete waste of time and everyone has one. Everyone wants to be an expert but in reality all of these mock drafts are 80% wrong. There has to be some consequences for these stupid mock drafts. How about if you get 80% wrong, you are bann from any mock drafts for the next year. Your mock draft priviledge should be taken away.
Mel Kiper is a probably a good guy but please stop making him into this draft god. Year in and year out, how many times do we need to hear the following….”this guy loves football”, “this guy is special”,”this guy has a high football IQ”, “I love this pick!” blah blah blah. Bring me in on TV and I too can spew the same nonsense and sound smart.
For example: The Chiefs select Felix Anudike-Uzomah…
90% of people probably does not know who this guy is unless you follow Kansas State football. But because I am also a draft expert…this is my scouting report on this guy. “this guy loves football”, “this guy is special”,”this guy has a high football IQ”, “I love this pick!”…See…I have no clue who this guy is but didn’t I sound smart???
HOLD THE DOOR PLEASE
(2/17/23) Elevators are game changers. Imagine if elevators were never invented and you worked on the 50th floor of a high rise building. Everyone on that floor would have great calves and if you had to go down to the 1st floor food court for that slice of pizza by the time you walk back up to the 50th floor you would burn all that calories on that slice of pizza. Most elevators are public and anyone can pretty much use them. However, there are instances where that elevator turns private in the present of the rich and powerful.
We are here to educate the public on elevator etiquette. Pressing the up or down arrow in the lobby of an elevator is something we all do without thinking too much. What happens next is something we all need to be educated on. When that door opens and if there is someone famous or rich standing in that elevator…that elevator is no longer public. That elevator has now become private. You need to wait for the next one. One man found out the hard way in Vegas
Darnell Greene was waiting patiently for an elevator and when the door opened inside stood New Orleans Saints RB Alvin Kamara. Greene, unaware of elevator etiquette when it comes to the rich and powerful..decides to walk in. He didn’t realized that at that point, he didn’t have any elevator rights, that elevator belonged to Kamara because he is an entitled athlete. Kamara put his hands out and tried to stopped Greene from entering. Greene should have apologized, said that he is not worthy of being in the same elevator with Kamara and just wished him a great night. Greene then pushed Kamara’s hand away and Kamara was pissed that Greene didn’t know his role on the food chain. How dare Greene tried to ride on the same elevator as Kamara. A peasant and a royalty sharing? This is unheard of. The nerve of this guy. Doesn’t he know who Kamara is? He onced put Al Bundy to shame by scoring 6 touchdowns against the Vikings. The nightmare didn’t stop there for Greene as Kamara unleashes his titans on Greene. Kamara and his 3 buddies then proceed to beat the living daylights out of Greene. It’s Vegas after all, so of course there were cameras everywhere and caught everything that went down.
Who knows…maybe Kamara is a sweet, loveable guy, who loves watching the sunset after a Saint’s win. Maybe all it took was a guy who didn’t understand elevator etiquette of the rich and famous to push Kamara over the line and Kamara had no choice but to revert to thuggery action.
Hope everyone learn from this and the next time you take an elevator and when that door opens, open your eyes and see who’s standing in front of you before stepping in.
**UPDATE ** 2/17/23…Kamara and his 3 buddies have been indicted on battery charges.
HOLDING
(2/15/23) The world is shaped by many powerful individuals. We have Jeff Bezos, we have Elon Musk and we also have Mickey Mouse whose home for some reason is really popular with MVPs. It probably would not be that popular if these guys had to stand in line for 1 hour battling a heat stroke for a 15 minute ride. I guess without Disney World the Super Bowl MVP would not know where to go next. For one day, Carl “Chief” Cheffers is more powerful than the President of the United States. This guy and his crew of merrily band of whistle blowers and yellow flag hurlers is responsible for the livelihood of millions of people. How you ask?
The day before the big game during an important Officiating meeting.
*this may or may not took place but you decide*
chiefzebra: alright guys, tomorrow is the big day and I just want to make sure we are on all on the same page. Make sure you all get your bets in. Everyone get as much money as you can on the Chiefs.
zebra1: I took out a second, third and fourth mortgage on my house and put it all on the Chiefs.
zebra2: I am all set. I drained both my checking and savings account and had my cousin Larry from Boston head over to the sportsbook at Encore Boston and placed it all on the Chiefs.
zebra3: Does it make me a bad person if I smashed my kid’s piggy bank and took his $5.75 and put it all on the Chiefs??
zebra3: Chiefs?? damn it..I took the Eagles!! give me 15 minutes! I need to make a few phone calls.
zebra4: I pawn both of my kidneys for money and its all on the Chiefs. If the Chiefs don’t win, I am going to be literally dead.
chiefzebra: Remember WE are the ones that decides the game and not the players or the coach. This is about us!! The plan is to throw a few flags against the Chiefs to make it look legit but when the time comes…get the flags ready! Ok everyone let’s huddle up and Chiefs on three.
Game Day…
4th Quarter 1:54 left..Chiefs 3rd and 8 and Mahomes goes back for a pass…
Announcer: Pass incomplete, but wait!! There is a flag!
Cheffers:Holding defense! First down Chiefs!
Announcer: hmmm…strange…why are all the officiating crew high fiving and chest bumping each other????? Why are they all heading to the end zone and celebrating as a group just like the players do when they have a turnover. This is very disturbing to say the least.
There you have it. It doesn’t matter if you analyzed this game for 2 weeks without sleep or listen to all the so called experts. In reality its not that difficult to pick a side, you just have to be friends with one of these refereew
JUST SUPER
(2/12/23) Its finally time to get down to business and for those that are looking for another option to enjoy this Sunday…Titanic is being rerelease in theaters. I am proud to admit I have seen Titanic numerous times in my life and have cried every single time when Rose promise to never let go. This crying stuff started when I was a kid watching the end of Terminator 2, when John Connors ordered the Terminator to not go and the Terminator realizes why human cries.
Last minute betting advice on this game. If you want to throw some pizza money on props that are long shot so be it. However, if you are going to lay the big bucks on a prop, here is a bit of advice…..DO NOT DO IT ON PLAYER PROPS. A majority of the betting population will most likely take the over on these props..rushing yards, receiving yards, number of receptions etc. The reason for this is the injury factor. The 49ers and Eagles is a perfect example why you should NEVER lay big money on player props. When Brock Purdy went down, the whole game changes..pretty much everyone that took the overs on player props in unison could be heard uttering “mother fu!!!!!ers”..Purdy’s injury affected not only 49ers players but also Eagles players. Hurts was not going to put up big numbers passing. Eagle wide receivers no way in hell was going to go over their receiving yards or reception yards. Your only redemption is if you had Eagles rushers who were getting the ball constantly. If they NFL allowed it I would have gone in and carry the ball a few times for the Eagles and let their running back get some rest. So the question becomes what should we bet on?? You should always bet on props that involves the whole game. You want to bet on total numbers on a game such as total first downs for the game, total net yards etc. Yes, players getting hurt during the game will affect the numbers but you are never really out of it.
Here at PP, we analyzed all the props, ran all the numbers, prayed to the betting gods and have narrowed it down to the one and only prop that you should bet on if you want a smile on your face when the confetti falls after the last play. (**GET RICH OPPORTUNITY ALERT!!! **)TAKE THE OVER ON THE NUMBER OF OFFENSIVE PLAYS FOR THE GAME AT 126.5. This wager is comparable to taking candy from a baby. We do not however condone any decent human being to ever take candy from a baby. That baby will grow up and will hunt you down to the end of the earth.
As a final note, please do not bet on the coin toss. Stupid people will look at the trend on the coin toss and think they have an edge. Its a damn coin and it 1000% luck. You don’t want to lose on the coin toss and financially in the hole before the ball kicks off. We wish everyone good luck on their bets and condolences in advance goes out to all the TVs and remote controls that will face implosions this Sunday from angry bettors.
SITUATIONAL FOOTBALL
(1/30/23) The NFL is not a difficult game but often times you see stupid things happening and you realized most of these players and coaches become Lloyd Christmas and Harry Dunne and show how dumb they really are. How often do we hear the phrase “SITUATIONAL FOOTBALL”. The problem is most of these coaches and players still fail miserably when the situation arrives. I was driving down the street today and at the corner of the busy intersection, there was a guy with a sign that says “Store Closing! 75% off!!” It caught my attention and I didn’t care what kind of store was closing but if its 75% off I am going to visit it. Well, this is what every team in the NFL needs. Every team in the NFL should hire a sign guy. He would carry a sign like a protester that reads “SITUATIONAL FOOTBALL” and he would march back and forth on the sideline and at the same time yell at the coaches and players to “DON’T BE STUPID!” “DON’T BE STUPID”. Because teams don’t want to pay $10 an hour for this guy, this is what happened over the weekend.
Joseph Ossai
We get that he is not paid to think. He is given two job. Go after the quarterback and tackle the guy running with the ball. Rinse and repeat easy enough right? Unfortunately, someone forgot to remind him of SITUATIONAL FOOTBALL!! Maybe he doesn’t know what the hell does SITUATIONAL FOOTBALL means and it became obvious toward the end of the game with 17 seconds left on the game with the scored tied. KC was trying to get into range for a game winning field goal and Ossai decided that he was going to be a good samaritan and help out. That late hit on Mahomes was so dumb all of America knew a flag was coming and to maybe lessen the stupidity he “supposedly” was hurt on the play. The Bengals medical staff was in no rush to get to him as they realized that thanks to him they will have a head start into the off season and no more playoff bonus money. The Chiefs front office has decided that if the Chiefs do end up winning the Super Bowl, they would also ship an extra ring to Ossai.
Bad Coaching
When Brock Purdy got hurt and when all of Philadelphia realizes that the great Josh Johnson was the backup…online searches for flights to Arizona coming out of Philadelphia almost crashed the internet. Why is Josh Johnson still collecting a paycheck in his 14th year in the league? Johnson is pretty much as useless as you can get for a backup quarterback and he gets $1.1 million to be on the 49ers this year! With a chance to shine or show how bad he is, he immediately goes down with a concussion and Purdy had to come back into the game to just hand off. This is where Kyle Shanahan shows he does not understand SITUATIONAL FOOTBALL. With no QB, Shanahan decides to run the ball left, run the ball up the middle and run the ball right. This is his great plan? Its as if he is afraid to try something different or pull out all the stops. He should have let McCaffrey play QB and have him throw the ball down the field. You do not need to have a PHD to know how to throw a football. These guys throw the football around all the time during practice and Shanahan is trying to tell us he has nobody that can throw the ball 10 yards?? Forget about calling plays, just turn it into playground football. Who cares if its a clown show at least we would have been more entertained. Doing nothing but just handing it off show you have no fight. How many times have we seen a fake punt with the punter throwing the ball regardless if its only 5-10 yards. Thinking outside the box is something that Kyle Shanahan proves that he is not capable of doing. Don’t even get us started on Shanahan not challenging Devonta Smith’s 4th down catch. That itself is another discussion for another time.
Situational football is not a hard concept to grasp. There are situations in a game that can make the difference between losing and winning. You need smart coaches and players to avoid making dumb decisions in that spot. One dumb player with a dumb play can change the course of the history.
WE TALKING ABOUT PLAYOFFS?
(1/13/23) Lisa Marie Presley passed away today at the age of 54. This is big news because she is the only child of Elvis Presley and at the age of 54 is way too young. May she rest in peace. Let’s give a moment for players in the NFL to cry and hug each other and send out their love and prayers for her. **cricket sounds** ok no dramatic reaction is happening. Instead, teams will care more about scoring touchdowns, creating turnovers and score more points than the other team when time expire. NFL teams have no time to be bother by Lisa Marie Presley. With that said, let’s break down this week’s game and give you our picks.
Miami at Buffalo(-13.5)
Give me the land creature at -13.5. All you need to know is Skylar is a cute high school name and unfortunately this is not your annual Thanksgiving High School football game. This is the NFL and not even his own family will give him a chance to win this game. If the Bills does choke this game away, prep all the emergency rooms in Buffalo because there will be alot of Buffaloans jumping into frozen lakes and ponds. The Damar Hamlin situation should have taught people how precious life is. LOSS!
Seattle at SF (-9)
Take the birds at +9. Geno Smith body will be taken over by Agent Smith from the Matrix and he will play out of his mind outside the 3 INTs. Geno need this victory to win the Comeback Player of the year and gets a huge contract from the Seahawks and the days of thinking he sucks will be upgraded to he is ok. Geno simply has more motivation and all he has to do is cover this 9 and he has done his job. Vegas will thank him because everyone will be teasing SF down to -3 or -2.5. Pete Carrol will be smart and blitz Purdy all day. Welcome to the playoffs young man. LOSS!
Baltimore at Cincinatti (-9.5)
The Question: What can Brown do for you? The Answer: Absolutely nothing….unless you are expecting a package from Amazon. If Anthony Brown starts this game for Baltimore then give me Cincinatti -9.5. If its Huntley then give me Baltimore +9.5. Baltimore’s defense can cover this spread with Huntley. Fun Fact: Anthony Brown was UNDRAFTED. Ravens fans has already made plans to watch Avatar for 3.5 hours including trailers which coincidentally is the about the average time of an NFL game. WIN!
NY at Minnesota (-3)
Decades ago, Vikings were pillaging villages and taking names and this tradition will continues this Sunday as they will ransack New York. We need to stop with the New York is such a great city. Batman is still cleaning up the city with all the lowlife and criminals lurking the sidewalks looking to pray on tourists. Can someone please stop trying to sell me a Rolex for $50 every single time I visit that dump. Sick of New York, just give me Minnesota -3 for no other reason. LOSS!
Chargers at Jacksonville (+2)
This will be more than a football game. This will be for bragging rights of who has the better weather all year round. San Diego, California or Jacksonville, Florida? Both Herbert and Lawrence look like they can ride a good wave. I see both Herbert and Lawrence via for the role of Brody in another remake of Point Break. Give me the Chargers -2 just because San Diego has a great zoo and Florida is pretty much a zoo down there with all the strange happenings and colorful characters. LOSS!
Dallas at Tampa +2.5
Is there actually a decision here? Dak Prescott illustrious overhype career is highlighted by 1 shiny playoff win..notice there is no “s” at the end of win. 1 win and that is one more than everyone who has never played in the NFL. Tom Brady on the other hand has a ho hum 35 playoff wins. You get Brady and also get the points??? Life is just too easy. I don’t need the points but I will take the points give me Tampa +2.5. LOSS!
Enjoy the games everyone and see you all at the cashier window cashing your tickets. Last but not least the NFL players would also like to remind everyone at home that this game is actually played by human beings. Thanks for clearing that up for us!
MESSAGE: We apologized for going 1-5 and promised to do better next time. To keep everyone’s spirit up, remember this…Before there was light, there was darkness.
MOST WONDERFUL TIME OF THE YEAR
(9/7/22) The NFL season is lock and loaded and is ready to rock and roll this Thursday. Here are some random thoughts on what is in store for another exciting year in the NFL.
Money, Money and Mo Money
Whether legally or illegally, there will be plenty of money being wager on these games. The US deficit is currently 2.7 trillion dollars. This is what it looks like… $2,700,000,000,000…the government has been trying to solve this riddle for years. The answer is pretty simple….legalized sports betting in all 50 states!! Problem solved! People are going to bet on these games because human beings love action and who doesn’t love more money in their pockets.
Trey Lance
The media loves this guy and thinks he is special. He came out of a small program in college and played against inferior competition so what was proven? I don’t have 20/20 vision but my eyes tells me that this guy sucks. He just looks dumb and lost which are two things you never want in a quarterback. This experiment will be over and the Niners will be starting Jimmy G. halfway through the season.
RUN CMC
Christian McCaffrey will be back to put up fantasy points. I personally took him with the 2nd overall pick in my fantasy draft. Crazy you say? It’s called guts and glory will follow. He will once again give hope to white kids across America that you too can be a starting running back in the NFL. The NFL need to market the hell out of this guy.
SHOW ME THE BILLS
Show me the money!! The Bills are favorite to win it all by Vegas. Everyone and their grandma is running to the betting window with their suitcases and bags of cash thinking this is easy money. No so fast my betting friends…there will be a play where Allen takes off and runs, he will be blasted by a linebacker and will be grabbing at his legs as bettors will have visions of their money with wings flapping toward the sky.
Cam Newton
We finally stop talking about this guy and realize that he is completely useless as a quarterback. With no TV time and attention does he still dress like Charlie from the Chocolate factory?
Go Home
Tom Brady needs to win one more Super Bowl so he can get it out of his system and go be a dad to his kids and be a family man. Gronk can only babysit his kids for so long. Go play Madden with your kids if you have the football urge.
The Small Print
Lamar Jackson does not have an agent and wants to negotiate his own contract. If I were the Ravens I would slip in a few things in the contract to mess with him such as if the Ravens don’t win a Superbowl his salary will be $100. No way Jackson will read every single word in a 30 page contract. Jackson wants to save on the Agent’s commission but this is a dumb move.
Pinocchio the movie
Will be debuting on Disney+ Thursday 9/8/22. Thursday 9/8/22 is also Bills and Rams to kick off the NFL season. Talk about perfect timing and a god send. Tell the wife and kids to watch this awesome movie and leave you alone to enjoy Thursday Night Football.
Hey aren’t you???
You never know what famous person you might see at the betting window. So if you THINK you see Calvin Ridley at the betting window…chances are IT IS Calvin Ridley trying to lay down a 3 team parlay.
SUSPENDED ISLAND
(8/19/22) I remember going to Disney World as a kid and it definitely was the happiest place on earth. I remember telling my dad that I could stay here forever until I rode the Flying Dumbo 10000x and then decided that I had enough and it’s time to go home. As I got older, Vegas became my new happiest place on earth. Athletes that gets suspended for PED, assault and other infractions also need a place they can go to bypass the time and have the happiest time of their lives too.
Let’s call this place….Suspended Island. An exclusive resort reserve only for professional athletes who are suspended and just passing time until they get back to their teams. Players such as Fernando Tatis Jr. is already on a plane to the island. There he will meet up with Deshaun Watson who will spend 11 weeks there beginning September. Aside from throwing passes to DeAndre Hopkins on the beach, Watson will be getting plenty of rest and massages. Trevor Bauer has been on the Island for who knows how long. At night, they will all gather around a camp fire, they will drink, laugh, play and tell stories to one another that they are all innocent. There will be limbo contests and cheating is encouraged. There will be seminars on how to masked PED so you can go on doping and have a long and productive career. As a supplement to the PED seminars will be Excuses Classes 101 where you will be taught ever excuse in the book so when you are caught you will know what to say.
Many athletes will come and go throughout the years but some decided to make Suspended Island their home such as in house baseball handicapper Peter Rose. Roger Clemens and Barry Bonds are waiting to get into another establishment but it ain’t never happening. Lance Armstrong enjoys riding along the island and is teaching cycling classes. Nobody will be attending any cycling classes because nobody cares about cycling because it should not be consider a sport.
UPDATE!!: Marcell Ozuna was just arrested for DUI charges early today (Friday). He will be making plans shortly to Suspended Island. Someone please prepare a umbrella drink for him
LAZY
(7/29/22) We all want to take it easy on Sundays and just watch football all day long. Its the only day of the week where men are allow to be lazy and do nothing but work our eyes muscles glued to NFL games and get our thumb exercises in working the tv remote or scrolling through our phones checking up on our fantasy players or whether or not we are still covering the spread. It’s ok to be lazy during these trying times in America with inflations, recessions and crypto crashes Days of driving around the neighborhood aimlessly no longer is a fun hobby because of high gas prices. Being lazy and saving money is the way to go.
Next to the words “no talent” and “you suck”..the word “Lazy” should never be associated with professional athletes because these guys are suppose to be the best of the best and they make more in a year than regular folks in a lifetime. For the rest of us, we are all lining up at the local convenient store trying to get our tickets in for the Mega Millions.
Kyler Murray signed a new 5-year extension for $230 million dollars. That comes out to a silly $46 million per year while Tom Brady is playing for $15 million in 2022. Murray is not even 50% of Tom Brady. We all know by now that there was a “study clause” in Murray’s contract that requires him to study for 4 hours over a WHOLE WEEK!! This comes to a little less than half an hour a day of studying game film!!! For god sakes, we hope these 4 hours is not going to ruin Murray’s quality of life. Tom Brady studies game film for four hours after the game for heaven’s sake Talk about trying to pamper this big baby known as Kyler Murray. He is a QB and one of the main job requirements is to watch films of opposing defenses instead Murray wants to just go out every Sunday and wing it. This pretty much show how lazy Murray is that the Cardinals have to “MAKE” this guy study. So how did we arrive at this embarrassing clause…
During the 2021 Season:
Kyler Murray: run up the middle
James Conner: What? Is that the play? They got 9 guys in the box
Kyler Murray: trust me, I studied the film.
Result: James Conner got hammered for a 5 yard lost.
Another time during the 2021 Season:
Kyler Murray: Hey D, I am throwing this ball to you 100%
DeAndre Hopkins: Are you sure???? Looks like they are going to quadruple team me.
Kyler Murray: trust me, I have been studying game film for hours.
PLAY RESULT: Interception by Murray returned for touchdown
Kyler Murray has a reputation for being lazy and immature. You don’t get a reputation overnight or from one person saying it. You develop a reputation because it keeps happening and happening and a lot of people are saying it. The Cardinals knew what they were doing when they included that clause because they saw Murray spend more time playing Call of Duty then focusing on football. Murray also agreed to the clause and signed the contract. If neither Murray or his agent realized that there was a “study clause” then BOTH Murray and his agent are too LAZY to read a $230 million contract.
This pretty much says it all about Murray. He goes public trying to defend himself about being lazy…while wearing a t-shirt that reads “EASY”. Not only is he lazy…he also wants things to be easy.
DNDDPP
(4/25/22) The NFL draft is upon us and teams have done their homework for months and think they have their player that will change their fortune. They all look good when their names are announced as they sashay up to the podium like male models with their fake jewelry and rent a tux. You then have the draft experts spewing superlatives about how special this guy is and how he loves football. Fast forward a few years and most of these guys will turn out to be chumps and will be submitting job applications to McDonalds looking for a new career flipping burgers. So why do these teams constantly make these mistakes? Its time we revealed the secret to drafting the right player.
First off, forget the highlight reel. These highlight reels are useless because they don’t say much. Wow! that WR just blew past the corner. So what? In college, the talent discrepancies between schools are a joke. Big time college programs ends up hoarding most of the talent coming out of high schools. Those schools that can’t recruit end up plucking kids from random classes on campus. You will have to settle on that 18 year old freshman with aspiration to be a culinary chef to be your linebacker. That kid that wanted to major in Piano will end up being your wide receiver. The most over weight kid on campus will have to be convinced to play left tackle. The guy on the grass playing ultimate frisbee will default to being your quarterback. Highlight reels are like infomercials. They offer nothing but fake promises for suckers and a lot of times these suckers are the scouts.
Here is the secret to drafting success. “DNDDPP” which stands for DO NOT DRAFT DUMB PLAYERS PERIOD. In college, you can still be good if you are dumb because once again the talent discrepancies. For example, in college, if a wide receiver is dumb, you can tell him to just forget the route and just run deep. Nothing for him to think about, he won’t be confused on what to do…just run Forrest run! In the NFL, there are so many adjustments and reads that it actually takes some brain cells to process. A dumb player will have no clue and will end up ruining the play. You want that smart player who can rationalize and think about different situations. You find out how dumb a player is during one on one interviews. Let’s take a look inside some interviewing rooms across the league.
PATRIOTS DRAFT ROOM INTERVIEW:
Bill Belichick: here is a map, can you point to me where New England is?
Draft Prospect Joe: ummmm….**points to Russia** on the map.
FAILED!! DUMB ALERT!! DNDDPP!!
CHIEFS DRAFT ROOM INTERVIEW:
Andy Reid: If we are down by 7 points and with 1 second left in the game at the 5 yard line. Should we kick a field goal?
Draft Prospect Bob: ummmm..I don’t see why not
FAILED!! DUMB ALERT!! DNDDPP!!
LIONS DRAFT ROOM INTERVIEW:
Dan Campbell: count backwards from 10 to 1..
Draft Prospect Johnny Bigtime: ummmmm….let’s see..Z,Y,L,M,N,O,P
Dan Campbell: good job!! we are taking you with our pick!!
FAILED!! DUMB ALERT!! DNDDPP!!
Stupid and pathetic teams like the Lions constantly make these kind of mistakes.
The lesson to be learned here is that teams can avoid drafting failure by just drafting smart players and avoiding dumb players. Every player in the draft has the same skill set and maybe one guy may have a slight edge but they are pretty interchangeable to a degree. Give me the guy that is smarter who runs a few seconds slower on the 40 than Mr.Airhead who is ready to faint once he see the 100 page playbook. Tom Brady was slow, unathletic, out of shape and ran like a girl at the 40 yard dash. He looked more like a guy that works at your local Home Depot than a NFL QB. Yet, he became the best ever. WHY? Because he was SMART!!
FREEWAY CROSSING
(4/17/22) Dwayne Haskins was a beautiful human being and he was so perfect in so many ways….OK STOP!! STOP!! NO MORE!! I can’t do this. I can’t continue with this BS. Unlike the media and others talking heads, I am not going to paint this guy like he is some god. What happened to Haskins was tragic but can we please stop with the constant praising on this guy. Haskins was strucked by a dump truck attempting to cross an interstate highway. Years of playing Frogger would have taught one to never try to cross a highway full of cars and trucks. What was the need to cross the highway? Did Haskins not have AAA? Most would just ring up AAA and wait for help. There is definitely more to this story that hasn’t been revealed. I am guessing there is alcohol or drugs involved.
What happened to Haskins was tragic but can the media and others in the sports world please stop exaggerating about this guy. The way they talk about Haskins make it seems like he is the most perfect human beings to walk the earth. Please people cut back on the BS.
Urban Meyer:
“Heartbroken to hear of the loss of Dwayne Haskins Jr. My thoughts and prayers go out to his incredible family. One of the greatest QB’s in Ohio State history, but an even better son, teammate, and friend. God Bless!!”
GREATEST QB in Ohio State history?? Washington’s scout and coaches did not even want to draft this guy. They saw red flags while he was at Ohio State. Haskins got booted from Washington because he was lazy and his teammates and coaches saw that. The only person that wanted him was Daniel Snyder.
Daniel and Tanya Snyder said in a statement:
“He was a young man with a tremendous amount of potential who had infectious personality…”
Infectious alright…wasn’t he partying with strippers with no mask on during the peak of Covid?
Chase Claypool:
“I spent your final moments with you and I can’t help but think about how selfless you were in those moments, All you cared about was making sure that everyone around you was okay and I can’t thank you enough for that. You are what I strive to be.”
Claypool strived to be like Haskins??? Are there no other choices of role models for Claypool? Selfless? Again..partying with strippers during Covid was making sure everyone around him was ok.
This incident happened in the morning hours and if Haskins were standing on the side of a freeway chances are he can literally see a car or truck from a mile away and he still got hit? According to the Steelers, Haskins has been one of the hardest worker so he should be in great shape so how on earth can he not see a truck coming and avoid it. Was he texting and walking across the freeway? Why was he trying to cross to the other side anyway? No one really knows the decade old question of why did the chicken cross the road now we ask a similar question…why did Haskins cross the freeway?
A FEW THOUGHTS
(2/13/22) The Super Bowl is upon us and we want to share a few thoughts on this historic day across America and give thanks. We also advise the city of Cincinnati to get those fire trucks ready because they will need plenty of water come Sunday night.
Thank you commercials
These million dollar commercials are a creative way to get the your wife/gf to watch the game and thus you get to watch the game also!! Such a genius idea. Otherwise they could care less about who is playing and as a result you might get drag to go shopping and worse yet sit there watching her get a manicure WITH no TV at the salon.
Thank you prop bets
Its time to upgrade from that vanilla ice cream cone you have been having during the NFL season to a full blown consumption of a gallon of ice cream. Warning!! If you are diabetic, please be responsible. Don’t bet on the spread or the over/under on the game. Its the last game of the football season and its time to let loose and bet on every single props known to man kind.
Thank you football squares
How else would we get people that have no clue about sports get involved in the big game? These are for folks that think Tom Brady is the greatest basketball player ever and thinks the Los Angeles Lakers will beat the Cincinnati Bengals in the Stanley Cup.
Thank you for the day off
This one is for all the kids in public schools in Cincinnati. Win or lose, they will have no class the day after the Super Bowl to celebrate the team making the Super bowl. This is kinda sad. Making the Super Bowl is already considered a victory. Some city just have low expectations unlike New England in the last 20 years where Santa Brady comes bearing gifts in February. Well, I guess the kids can now stay out late and burn down the city when the Bengals lose and doesn’t have to wake up early to go to school.
Thank you Joe
Reputation is riding on this game just ask Patrick Mahomes. Patrick Mahomes went into Super Bowl 55 being labeled as “probably the best ever and better than Brady when its all said and done” after his pitiful performance he became Patrick Starfish.
For Burrow, if he wins its Joe Cool and if the loses he becomes Joe Camel someone who can’t get over the “hump” and he got “Smoked”
Thank you Joe part 2
Lebron James and his big ego is secretly rooting for the Rams. Imagine if Joe Burrow becomes the new face of Ohio and the next King? Lebron would lose his mind as a new king ascends the throne in Ohio. There is a job opening as court jester if Lebron is interested.
Thank you for the memories
Do we really need to see Snoop Dogg, Dr, Dre and Eminem back on stage for the halftime show? We all know about environmental pollution but what about the noise pollution that will be happening at halftime. Do people still throw their hands in the air and wave them like they don’t care?
Thank you Liam Neeson
If this Super Bowl becomes a snooze fest in the first half, you can always head over to your local cinema and watch Liam Neeson’s new movie Blacklight in which he will once again ask people nicely to cooperate in a soothing calm voice and then proceed to kill them.
Thank you everyone
Last but not least, we highly recommend our readers to take the Rams. No need to thank us. Its our civil obligation to help enriched our readers lives with the finer things in life.
NUMBER 12
UPDATE 3/13/23!!: BRADY UNRETIRES AND IS COMING BACK TO THE BUCS.
(2/1/22) History has taught us that without great men to lead us we would all be lemmings and walk off a cliff screaming. These leaders also help shape man kind and make everyone around them better. The Buccaneers would not be this great band of pirates that strikes fear but rather a bunch of Greenhorns on a crab boat. Today one of the greatest leader of men has announced his retirement and just like a pebble being thrown into a pond has created a ripple effect that is felt by many. Tom Brady has announce his retirement and will no longer put on number 12 and will no longer continue the hobby of hoarding Super Bowl rings. Let’s look at the impact his decision has made..
These are their stories:
NFL TEAMS: Please put Tampa on our schedule!! We want to play them 3 times a year!
Buccaneers fans: Time to jump ship because this ship just ram into an iceberg and is taking on water. Time to donate those Buccaneers jersey and put on some Rays gear.
Evans, Godwin, Fournette: Blaine Gabbert is the QB??? No thanks!! We are outta here!
Bruce Arians: I am still a great coach!! I really am! who wants to play for me? **cricket sounds**
Byron Leftwich: Thanks for making me look good and teams are suckered into thinking I am this great offensive coordinator and offering me a head coaching job. I just had to pretend I was calling plays by moving my lips.
Ben Rothlisberger: I am retiring too!! Does anyone care?? **cricket sounds**
Aaron Rodgers: Anyone wants to talk about what team I am going to?? Hey, I also just had my booster shot. Hello?? **cricket sounds**
Bill Belichick: Thank god he retired and stopped winning Superbowls. People were starting to think it was him that won all the championships in New England and that I was just along for the ride.
Antonio Brown: Now that you are retired, Tom, can I come over and hang around your house? I promise to not walk around the house naked.
Bob Kraft: Tom Brady is the new owner of the New England Patriots.
We are all lucky and blessed to witness Tom Brady’s career from start to finish. His legend will grow as time passes. Generations will hear stories about how great he was and how he lead the greatest comeback in Super Bowl history. A statue of him will be a landmark in Foxborough MA. He will get 100% of the votes and will go into the Hall of Fame as a Patriot. He will also deliver one of the best speeches because we expect nothing less from this man. He was introduced as pick #199 but in the end we simply know him as number 12 and the GOAT.
FAKE APOLOGY
(1/19/22) We all know about Fake News. With athletes its the FAKE APOLOGY. How many times do we hear athletes speak their mind and then a day or two later back track and here comes the FAKE APOLOGY. The media is then suckered into believing the apology is sincere and goes back to calling these guys special and takes turns brown nosing them AGAIN. That is how pathetic the media is. This time “America’s team” and “America’s QB” was caught with promoting violence. Unlike Captain America who had to result to violence against bad guys to protect us. Dak Prescott condones violence because he felt the officials was at fault for not allowing him to become a hero and legend. He was going to beat the 49ers if the officials did not stand in his way.
Dak Prescott said when told Cowboy fans were throwing things at officials leaving the field:
“credit to them then. Credit to them”
Prescott 24 hours later:
“I deeply regret the comments I made regarding the officials after the game on Sunday. I was caught up in the emotion of a disappointing loss and my words were uncalled for and unfair.
“I hold the NFL Officials in the highest regard and have always respected their professionalism and the difficulty of their jobs. The safety of everyone who attends a game or participates on the field of a sporting event is a very serious matter.
What a bunch of BS. We all know what really happened in the last 24 hours. Someone probably grabbed hold of Prescott and said you idiot you are about to lose some endorsements if you don’t apologize immediately. As always to protect the “Benjamins”, he backtracks and post a statement written by someone else besides him aka the “FAKE APOLOGY”. This FAKE APOLOGY allows Prescott to go back to being this special player and a great leader of men.
The officials did not cause the Cowboys the game. It was the stupidity to run with the ball with 13 seconds left and no time outs left. If the call came from the sideline and Prescott also thought it was a good idea then Kellen Moore (Cowboys OC) is Dumb and Dak Prescott is Dumber. Jim Carrey and Jeff Daniels have some competition.
GEORGIA / ALABAMA
(1/9/22) The college football national championship game is upon us and It’s time to give you our pick on who will win. We have stuffed our suitcase with cash and is heading down to the wager window. We have thought about wheeling all the cash in a wheelbarrow but we figure its probably not safe and might get rob. We suggest you don’t do that also. Use that wheelbarrow for yardwork is probably best. Let’s get down to business of making you money.
First off, this line of Georgia-2.5 is way off. How can Georgia be a 2.5 point favorite when the last time they meet Alabama beat them 41-24. Stop with the it’s hard to beat a team twice in a season. It is going to be the same Alabama team Georgia will be facing. What kind of adjustment can Georgia really make to offset a 17 point loss last time into a 2.5 point favorite this time? Both teams are solid but it all comes down to the head coach and QB. Give me Nick Saban and Bryce Young over Kirby Smart and Stetson Bennett. Saban has been in plenty of huge games over the years and every team in the country wants to beat Alabama and 90% has failed to put a “L” on Alabama’s ledger.
Georgia is a cute story this year and have beaten 1 good team this year which is Michigan. Stetson Bennett is not a QB that scares you. He is a game manager and is just along for the ride. You can plug most college QB into Georgia and they would still end up with the same record. Their defense is pretty much carrying the team. If this game is close and you need Bennett to win you the game you can forget it. The only chance Georgia has is if they unleash “UGA” their mascot bulldog and let him blitz and chase down Bryce Young. That is probably not going to happen because bulldogs are slow and lazy and he is probably going to call it a day and just nap on the sideline when Alabama is up big on Georgia in the 3rd quarter.
THE PICK: Take Alabama +2.5. Pass Go and collect your money!
**UPDATE: A SUPPORT GROUP WILL BE HELD 1/10/21 AT 8PM. SHOULDERS WILL BE AVAILABLE TO CRY ON AND HUGS WILL BE HANDED OUT. THERE WILL BE A DRAWING FOR A $10 BILL.
SEEN IT
(1/5/22) Antonio Brown took off his pads during a game and everyone makes it a big deal. All the announcers were like “in my whole 100 years of watching football I have never seen anything like that!” I, on the other hand has seen this act before and it’s nothing new and nothing to see. Years ago in Boston, Massachusetts. The same phenomenon happened. It was a hot summer day with temperature close to 99 degrees. After looking for parking for close to an hour, I finally made it to the battle ground known as the Boston Common. There on that field we were going to battle like the Patriots vs the Colts during the Brady and Manning era. It wasn’t the NFL…it was the FFL….Flag Football League. It was our weekly flag football league. On this day my team was short one player and we were not going to play short handed. We needed to recruit someone. We kept asking every male that walked by to see if they were interested and no luck. Finally, we spotted Jimmy and he said sure he’ll play. Jimmy was not exactly an athlete or in shape. He said he plays fantasy football and that was good enough for us. So on the first play since he was the new guy, I told Eddy our QB to just throw the ball to him to get him involve immediately. In the huddle, we told Jimmy to go deep and that he was going to get the ball. On the snap, Jimmy rumbled down the side with his blazing speed or lack of. There was not going to be any separation between Jimmy and the cornerback. You see Jimmy had Hippo speed and the corner just had to speed walk to cover him. 30 yards later, Eddy decides to just throw him the ball anyway. He didn’t make the catch and ran back to our huddle. He was huffing and puffing and we thought he was going to have an asthma attack. His shirt was all wet and he could have easily entered a wet T-shirt contest on the spot. What happens next is reminiscence of what Antonio Brown did against the Jets. Jimmy took off his shirt, said he quit and just walked off in the middle of the game. Jimmy was Antonio Brown before Antonio Brown was Antonio Brown.
So when I saw Antonio Brown took off his pads and was half naked, it reminded me of Jimmy. He played 1 played for us. It will go into the book as a drop pass. We never saw Jimmy again throughout the season and he was forgotten for many years….until Antonio Brown brought back memories…..History often does repeat itself.
HEALTH BENEFITS
(12/15/21) Who would have known…that tomatoes are fruits. Who would have known… that there is a Starbucks cup in every scene of Brad Pitt’s Fight Club. Who would have known….that Cap’N’Crunch’s full name is Horatio Magellan Crunch. There is something else that is also intriguing and who would have known. Scientists and medical researchers does not want to this information to get out to the public but its time the public knows the truth. If you disregard the fact that you can lose a lot of money and you might start calling that cardbox on the curve your next home….Sports gambling is actually good for your overall health. We will break it down into three categories.
ANALYTICAL THINKING
Bettors are constantly analyzing data and looking for the right play. The mind is always thinking because heck you have $100 on the game and you want to do your homework. You check the forecast for the game and it says 50mph non stop swirling winds and immediately your analytical mind kicks in and said “this baby is going under 42.5”. 3.5 hours later….final score 13-7 for the under and you are a winner. You pat yourself on the back for a job well done because you analyzed the situation and it paid off. The next time if your wife, girlfriend or boyfriend ask you do you ever use your brain, you can emphatically say yes!
HEART HEALTH
Running around the park? Running on the thread mill? Doing jumping jacks? Who has time for that stuff. Those are indeed good for the heart but betting on sports can also help with keeping your heart strong and healthy. All bettors have been there when the game is coming down to the wire and your cover is within reach. Your heart starts beating faster and faster. You start to sweat. Blood is pumping through your heart and your breathing quickens. Halftime? Time to quickly run to the betting window and place more bets before the 3rd quarter kicks off. No where but a sportsbook will you see so many out of shaped men being so active. The clock ticks down to zero and you either push, cover or lost. Regardless of the outcome your heart thanks you.
MOTOR SKILLS / HAND EYE COORDINATION
Because you are a degenerate you have over 25 bets spread across all the games this NFL Sunday. While watching the games, you constantly pulls out those tickets, sifting through each one to see whether or not you had Green Bay on the total 45 or 45.5. Your fingers and hands and arms are constantly moving and your eye balls are bouncing from one tv to another tracking each play and the scores. Once again, you forgot whether or not you had Patriots +6.5 or 7 so you go through more finger exercises looking for that ticket. Forget Call of Duty to improve your hand/eye coordination. That stuff is for kids. Have you ever stood in line at a betting window and you see a guy look at his phone, look at his tickets, taking out cash, looking at the betting board, watching the TV, yelling, screaming, clapping, taking a sip of his beer and even have time to look at the beautiful girl walking by? This is the highest level of multi-tasking and mastery coordination. Walking and chewing gum at the same time is so 80s.
So if you play responsibly and within your bankroll. You will come out healthier than most Americans unemployed, out of shape and watching the Squid Games.
WON’T YOU BE MY FRIEND
(11/20/21) People are envy animals. Your friend Pete tells you he makes 80k a year compare to your measly 25k a year bagging groceries. You envy him because he drives a nice shiny BMW while you make sure you you remember to buy a new bus pass this month or else you will be walking to work 20 miles away. Because people are always envy of each other…your friend Pete will envy of NFL referees.
NFL referees on average makes $500,000 a year. Referees are the guys that make the announcements on what the flag is and gets the honor of looking at video replays and talking to people back at command center. They are in charge of the whole officiating crew. It is also easy to spot them because they typically are the guys with the tightest smedium shirts and bulging biceps. If I take out my handy calculator that comes out to an average of close to $30,000 per game over a 17 games regular season. Let’s break this down further. A typical NFL game is around 3.5 but for simplicity let’s make it 4 hours…the result is these guys make around $7500 an hour!!! Yes, there are meetings before hand but still $7500 an hour?!! It take Joe the cashier OVER A YEAR to make $30,000.
So the path to becoming a millionaire is to be a NFL referee for at least 2 years or if you are relatively new 3-4 years. These guys are all millionaires behind the scene. They all live in giant 3000+ sq ft homes and have multiple vehicles at their disposal. While most Americans are trying to scrape together enough money to get new tires or new brakes.
Life is not fair and these “zebras” unlike regular zebras are on top of the food chain. Everyone should strive to become an NFL referee. It’s an easy job if you think about it. The line judge sees a guy jump off side, he blows the whistle and then tells the referee, then the referees tells everyone “offside defense”…that is all there is to it. Wow! talk about an easy and brainless job. Pretty sure you don’t need a master degree for it.
With all the technology and camera angles, these guys still end up making the wrong call. The NFL keep saying referees are being graded. Unless I see the Carfax on these referees I ain’t buying this BS. Not to mention how many games they have a “financial interest” aka money on the game. Have you ever wonder why does it take so damn long for these guys to look at a replay when 99% of fans can make the call within 10 seconds. After 10 minutes, they still end up making the wrong call!! If they have a “friend of a friend of a friend” that has a big wager on the under….expect some holding calls on big plays.
THIS MAY OR MAY NOT BE HAPPENING BUT IT PROBABLY HAPPENS 95% OF THE TIME:
Referee Ed: Holding defense, no wait, holding offense, no defense was holding, offense was holding….hold on everyone..*turns off mic**
Referee Ed:…*whispers to line judge* hey Bob, do we want this game to go under or over? or do we have the Bucs at -7?
Line Judge Bob: *whispers back to referee” All the money is on the Bucs and Brady
Referee Ed: *turns mic back on* Upon further review…holding on Detroit. Detroit will also be penalized 50 additional yards. First and 65 Detroit!!!!
Line Judge Bob: *winks and gives the thumbs up to Referee Ed”
We always bash players for making too much and not enough attention is given to these referees. Don’t let those TV analysts fool you by telling you this or that referee is a part time kindergarten teacher or they work a second job to make ends meet. Its all smoke and mirrors trying to fool the public into thinking they are just like you and me. NFL referees are not like you and me, they are complex individuals that holds enormous power to control the flow of money.
Next time when you watch an NFL game…pay close attention to how the game is being called and you can project if a game is going to go over or under or which team is going to cover. Throw all the past trends and numbers out of the window because its useless information. All the information lies on how these guys call the game.
ROBBERY IN PROGRESS
(11/15/21) Las Vegas is known for the land of the one arm bandits. We all know them a slot machines. Put your money in and after less than a few seconds of flashy lights and sound, you can kiss your money goodbye. People nevertheless spends hours sitting in front of them slowly draining their savings and social security payments. At least they had fun.
The NFL also has a similar problem. They have a “one hand” bandit who constantly is fooling everyone and robbing owners of money. We come to know him as Odell Beckman Jr.. Years ago he caught a football for a touchdown with one hand and everyone thought this guy was going to be “Special”. The Giants ended up giving him a ton of money and made him the highest paying wide receiver at that time. Boy did he fooled everyone, OBJ turned out to be mediocre and nothing special. He is still living off that one handed catch.
OBJ is pretty much robbing the Browns just like those slot machines occupying casino floors. The Browns pay this guy $14.5 million to do absolutely nothing. This year he has only 17 receptions in 6 games. 17 receptions? I know grown men that run the 100 yard dash in 5 minutes have 17 receptions in flag football in just two games.
His dad wants to remind the world that OBJ is still a special player and its the Brown’s fault that he sucks. The elder OBJ went on Instagram and posted a video of how open OBJ is and they didn’t throw him the ball. I have a message for OBJ’s dad if he is reading this…maybe your son is open because the defense doesn’t care about him. They don’t care about him because he is mediocre at best as a wide receiver. I am however impress that his dad is capable of producing a video and very savvy with Instagram.
OBJ might have a few one-yard TD catches with the Rams and some dumb team will pay him next year and then realizes that there is no difference between a slot machine and OBJ. They both will rob you financially. The only difference is the slot machine is doing its job and is a valuable asset to the company.
FRED AND AARON
(11/8/21) Not all Rodgers are alike. The truth has now come out and we finally get to see the real Aaron Rodgers. He ain’t no Mister Rodgers for sure. Mister Rodgers cares about his community and he wants you to be his neighbor. It doesn’t matter if you are a puppet or a train.. Mister Rodgers will still love and respect you. His hair is nicely comb and his clothes neatly pressed. He is genuine and an honest guy. Every neighborhood across America would have less crimes if more people were like him.
Now let’s compare him to Aaron Rodgers. This Rodgers is all about himself and no one else. The world revolves around him. He has to always be the man in the room. Pink elephant in the room? Please exit left buddy.
During those Steak Parm commercials, he constantly wants to have the discount all to himself and no one else. He makes millions and can’t stand the average American getting a discount. He wants to be special. Remember when he and Mahomes were in the same Steak Parm commercial dining at a restaurant ? It was negotiated that Rodgers has to be the main focus with the speaking role and Mahomes is left with the challenge of getting ketchup out of a bottle.
Asked if he was vaccinated, he said he was “immunized”. Easy answer would be a yes or no but instead Rodgers wanted to play everyone into thinking its the same thing. By not being vaccinated and not telling us, he basically doesn’t care about the people around him. You are living in his neighborhood.
Rodgers may be a great QB that can help your fantasy team but that is where it stops. He thinks he is better and smarter than everyone else on this planet. Who knows if this guy is capable of operating a vacuum cleaner or making scramble eggs? Would you really want to be friends with this guy or have him be your neighbor? This guy will come over and borrow sugar and then make it seems like he is doing you a favor and it was an honor to serve him. Don’t tell him about any discounts you are getting because he will get so jealous that he will threaten to leave you as a friend just like the same threat he made to the Packers.
Lock your doors, Don’t let this man come over. Rodgers will come over to your house and when you tell him that your grandfather is 90 years old and have health issues…Rodgers will say “don’t worry man, I am immunized”…
THE GREATEST SHOW
(10/2/21) There have been many great combos in history. You have the peanut butter and jelly sandwich. The burger and fries combo. Salt and pepper team on the table. You also have pork fried rice and chicken wings aka combo #5. You also have Dr. Dre and Snoop Dog coming up together almost 30 years ago.
The NFL has just released their list of performers for Superbowl 22 and the league has decided to got back in time and bring back the old timers. Specifically Dr. Dre, Snoopy Dog and Eminem. The ages of all three combine is 153 years. They also have smoked 153 tons of weeds during their career. Vegas has a line on whether weed will be smoked during the performance by the rappers. They yes is at -10,000 and no is at +50,0000.
You know how they fans surround the stage during the halftime show? It will only be fitting to have middle aged men in their 50s and 60s surround the stage. I would love to see the camera zoom in on these guys. Show us the glory of dad jeans and follicle challenged heads. Show us those white socks and sandals combo. Canes and lawn chairs will be allowed because asking these guys to stand around for 50 minutes is just inhumane. There will also be bathroom stalls near the stage. It would also be wise to have 10 ambulances on stand by near the stadium tunnel.
Dr. Dre, Snoop and Eminem will need a 15 breather for every 3 minutes of performance. There will also be smoke breaks especially for one Mr. Snoop. At 50, you tend to misremember things so lyrics might be missed and its totally ok for these rappers to put on their glasses to read the teleprompter.
The first 30,000 fans over the age of 50 to the stadium is going to get a gift bag. Inside will be a rubik’s cube, a gameboy, a walkman and a beeper. Every fans will also get copy of the halftime show in VHS format. My dad is definitely going to record it with his VCR and I have to remind him to write on the horizontal white label to help him organize his collections.
This halftime show will be entertaining because its 30 years in the making. To make it more epic and the best halftime show ever…the NFL has to bring in a very special guest performer. They have to bring in Vanilla Ice. I will definitely then “stop, collaborate and listen”
GREEN WALDO
(9/22/21) Patrick Mahomes is a great quarterback but when it comes to acting let’s just say he is no better than a mannequin who is an extra in a movie. Let’s break down his performance as a shoe salesman in his latest commercial. For the record, no one will ever live up to the excellent standard of playing a shoe salesman than one Ed O’Neill. We all know him as the legendary Alfred Bundy who is more than just a salesman. He was a running back first, shoe salesman second and finally a family man. “Steak Parm” should have consulted with him before butchering this commercial.
Let’s get down to the hard hitting analysis.
WARDROBE- “Steak Parm” definitely need to lay off everyone in its wardrobe department. The first sign of problem was outfitting Jake with a smedium…now a green tie dye T-shirt with some kind of shoulder flair? They then have Mahomes wear a pair of glasses with just the frame with no lens and to top it off, he wears a beanie hat. That name tag was just plain laziness. Let’s just print his name on a piece of paper and call it a day. No company logo or Tag line? Finally, the first thing that comes to mind when I first saw the commercial was that this must be the new “Where’s Waldo? He just upgraded his T-shirt from red and white stripes to a blinding neon green. Now everyone can spot him easier so mentally you do not need to strain too much. GRADE:D-
ACTING -what is up with all the arm and constant hand motion? His hands and arms are all over the place just flailing away as he speaks. The only thing missing that he didn’t do with this hands is make a heart with his fingers. The question then becomes did the director tell him to move his hands and arms constantly or did Mahomes do this himself? Whatever the case, it was way too much movement and it looked weird. GRADE:C-
LINE DELIVERY- Mahomes should not wait by the phone expecting colleges or universities asking him to deliver a graduation speech. His actions on the football field definitely speaks louder than his words in this sorry commercial. This commercial was off to a bad start when he says “what’s gooooood?? “. Who is the genius that wrote the script? What kind of opening line is that? He doesn’t sound natural. He sounded like a robot just spitting out lines as quickly as he can within 15 seconds. There was no pause just a bunch of rambling with run on sentence after run on sentence. GRADE:C
SUMMARY-Overall, this commercial was a disappointment. I don’t really see a lot of people rushing to “Steak Parm” to buy insurance because Mahomes, Rodgers and Paul doesn’t do much and their commercials are plain boring. Now if you substitute these guys for the likes of Nicholas Cage, Kermit or even John Wick urging people to buy insurance before he does bad things to them would be more memorable. FINAL GRADE:F
I CAN’T KEEP UP WITH THE JONES
(8/31/21) All worms rejoice!! Today was a great day for worms at Gillette Stadium. They no longer have to fear for their lives. Cam Newton aka Worm Killer has been cut by the Patriots. Many worms were lost during Newton’s tenure as quarterback of the Patriots . With every passing play called by Josh McDaniels, worms everywhere had to keep their head on a swivel or else risk getting destroy by one of Cam’s missiles to the ground.
After bringing in an archaeologist and language expert to decipher this hieroglyphics from Newton’s Instagram account..we have concluded… Newton pretty much wants people to feel sorry for him. He lost to a rookie and has to feel pretty embarrassed. Superman losing a fight to a mere mortal? Newton is probably making a few trips to the drug store to stock up on some tissues because there are going to be many nights that he will have to cry himself to sleep.
Newton apparently couldn’t keep up with the Jones so to speak. He was a one trick pony with the ability to only gallop but in today’s NFL, we have players like that and they are called running backs. The NFL is a passing league with an emphasis on big plays through the air. Newton on the other hand just takes the air out of the passing game. He can smile all he wants but smiling doesn’t win you games.
The only people that are really sad to see Newton go are the trendy clothing shops down at Newbury Street. The sale of hats, scarves, sunglasses will take a hit and revenues will drop for these stores but another round of government bailout is on the horizon so they will survive.
New England will miss Newton for a second after realizing that Mac Jones is the real deal. The economy is facing a shortage of workers and now there is another job applicant looking for work.
“Would you like fries with that sir?”
THE CHOSEN ONE
(8/22/21) The verdict is in. An executive decision has been made out of Foxborough, MA, home of the New England Patriots. It was a tough decision but a right one. The fans are happy. The coaches are happy. The players are happy. Cam Newton will be leading the Patriots into the 2021 season. His impact will be seen by everyone in the league. The Patriots will look very good this year thanks to the Newton and his ability to make good decisions.
Cam Newton has been named the team’s primary Fashion Consultant. He will no longer be on the quarterback dept chart. Mac Jones will be the starting quarterback for the Patriots. Newton will now be in charge of dressing the players before and after the game.
This is what Bill Belichick may or may not have said..
Bill Belichick: “We felt this is the best position for Cam with this team. We want to utilize and bring out what he does best which is fashion. HIs inability to throw a simple 5 yard pass without sailing it over the receiver by 10 feet made this decision easy. We will be transitioning him and removing him from our QB dept chart to the primary role as Fashion consultant. During game days, he will be out shopping for clothes and going on the internet to research the latest fashion trends. We are confident he can dress and make our players look good especially Mac Jones”
Cam Newton will excel in his new position. He no longer needs to worry about throwing interceptions or severely overthrowing and underthrowing receivers. He can still continue to look good and maybe end up in Vogue or some Halloween costume catalog. Newton was never meant to be a quarterback in the NFL. There is no doubt he can throw on a nice shirt along with some stylish shades but when it comes throwing a football let’s just leave that to the professionals.
FLIP OVER
(8/13/21) “Do you know who I am??”…A lot of times we don’t really know who they are really. This is especially true when it comes to athletes. The public gets fed information on how great this guy is or that guy. The truth is we know probably 1% about these athletes. For example, we are constantly told by the media how great of a person Deshaun Watson is and everyone loves to be around him. Now we found out that he isn’t that great of a person. He has a dark side and is now exposed to the public. This guy just loves getting massages and love exposing his penis to female masseuses. Whether or not he is guilty of sexual assault is to be determined but there is no denying that he is a pervert. This brings us to another former athlete that we “thought” was a great person but turn out to be another penis exhibitionist just like Watson.
Omar Vizquel former Indians Shortstop/Third baseman was just recently hit with a sexual harassment lawsuit while serving as a coach at the AA level. The lawsuit was filed by a former autistic batboy who said Vizquel on numerous occassion “deliberately exposed his erect or partially erect penis” to him. Vizquel also demanded that the batboy wash his back. The Indians are probably not going to have a Omar Vizquel anytime soon. Even if he buy tickets to a game, the Indians are not sure if they want him there.
Watson and Vizquel should just get together and show each other their penises. Watson can give Vizquel back massages and in return Vizquel can massage Watson’s glutes and groin area. Forget towels, its just going to end up on the floor.
The lesson to be learn here is athletes should never be role models to your kids. Your kids will eventually be disappointed. Its just a matter of time before another athlete is caught with his pants down and an expose penis.
THE ONE CARD YOU NEED
(6/6/21) Next to health, money is the most important thing in the world and don’t let anyone convince you otherwise. I use to visit banks often not because they have those free lollipops at the teller windows (the green ones are the best) but because I want to be close to money. I want to be surrounded by money so my body can absorb its scent. If you want to be close to money, you don’t need to do what I do. There is another way. Start owning autographed Tom Brady football cards.
A Tom Brady rookie card just sold for a record $3.1 million dollar. The person that just sold the card is now out of poverty and is currently at the Ferrari dealership checking out its inventory and afterwards visiting Morton’s Steakhouse for a ribeye. Remember years ago there was a show called Lifestyles of the Rich and Famous with the great Robin Leach? This guy has just joined that lifestyle all because he own a little piece of cardboard that has a picture of Tom Brady and his signature on it. This is how great Tom Brady is.
There are only 2 players in all of sports that can command millions of dollars for their autograph cards. It is Michael Jordan and Tom Brady. Lebron James and Patrick Mahomes will never be on the same level as these two.
MEET THE NEW GUY
(5/10/21) One moment you and your friends are running around in the prairie and the next moment you and your friends are part of a KFC bucket meal. That is the life of a chicken. That is also life and its not fair. NFL quarterbacks need to understand this concept and stop thinking everything revolves around them. Drafting a backup QB is now considered a disrespect and a slap to the face of the starting quarterback.
When the Packers drafted Jordan Love, it put a great saying to the test.. They say its better to have lost and love than to never have loved at all. Don’t tell this to Aaron Rodgers. He definitely do not want Love at all in the locker room. hmmm..Is it a coincidence that he also broke up with 2 girlfriends during this period??? But it’s good to see that Rodgers hasn’t complete giving up on love now that he is engaged.
Patriots drafted Mac Jones, Cam Newton’s gum chewing electric smile is now upside down and he has now turn into the NFL’s version of the Grumpy Cat. Throughout last year, Newton was constantly starting games even though he was performing no better than the kid playing QB at Pop Warner. Now there is a new Mac Daddy in Foxboro and we will be seeing the familiar image of Newton sulking on the bench with a towel draped over his head.
Let’s not forget Carson Wentz. This guy was suppose to be the QB of the Eagles for the next 10-15 years. They gave him a gigantic contract and they also brought in Jalen Hurts. When Hurts was drafted, Wentz said the competition was going to make him better. Wentz not only did not get better but how can we put this kindly.. he sucked. He ultimately lost his job at QB and sent packing to the Colts for a 2021 3rd round pick.
Bottom line is the NFL has always been a business. The owners are contracting with these players and in return they get paid a boatload of money. The owner reserve the right to bring in anyone they want including a shiny new QB from the draft. The QB position is the most important position so it doesn’t make sense for teams to have a star QB and their backup is someone who has failed in the league and is now just collecting a paycheck by holding a clipboard. How many times have you seen these guys get into a game and look completely lost.
One day the Chiefs will eventually draft a QB and it will be Mahomes’ turn to play the disrespect card.
DRAFT RESULTS
(5/2/21) Teams gets graded on their picks so why not grade draft experts? Its only fair to see how good these guys really are.
Mel Kiper gets paid a ton of money because he “supposedly” has a ton of sources and connections in the NFL. We are led to believe that nobody knows more than this guy when it comes to the draft. When he talks, everyone listens because he is the draft guru. He knows every single player’s strength and weaknesses. So how good exactly is Mr. Hair and his draft projections!
The results are in…The first 2 picks are 100% obvious. Even a 5-year old knows who Jacksonville and the Jets was going to pick. So we eliminate those 2 picks and see how Kiper did with the next 11 picks. Kiper got 3 picks correctly out of 11. If I do my math correctly and carried the 1…that comes out to 27%. 27% is a little disappointing for a draft guru. What happen to the sources that was going to give him the inside information? We expect at least 50% accuracy and he did not deliver. I think if I had to ask my cat for his projections he could probably do better but he has better things to do like napping all day long.
Mel Kiper’s projection for the 1st 13 picks.
- Jaguars-Trevor Lawrence CORRECT
- NY Jets-Zach Wilson CORRECT
- 49rs-Mac Jones WRONG!
- Falcons-Kyle Pitts CORRECT
- Bengals-Ja’Marr Chase CORRECT
- Dolphins-DeVonta Smith WRONG!
- Lions/Patriots-Trey Lance WRONG!
- Panthers-Penei Sewell WRONG!
- Broncos-Justin Fields WRONG!
- Cowboys-Patrick Surtain II WRONG!
- Giants-Jaylen Waddle WRONG!
- Eagles-Jaycee Horn WRONG!
- Chargers-Rashawn Slater CORRECT
Kiper gets a draft grade of D-. He will however be back next year and try to convince us that he knows more than anyone when it comes to the draft. His hair will still look great and after the first 2 picks will probably get most of the first round wrong.
Todd McShay’s projection for the 1st 13 picks.
*red* indicates different pick from Mel Kiper
- Jaguars-Trevor Lawrence CORRECT
- NY Jets-Zach Wilson CORRECT
- 49rs-Trey Lance CORRECT
- Falcons-Kyle Pitts CORRECT
- Bengals-Ja’Marr Chase CORRECT
- Dolphins-Jaylen Waddle CORRECT
- Lions-Penei Sewell CORRECT
- Panthers-Rashawn Slater WRONG!
- Broncos-Justin Fields WRONG!
- Cowboys-Patrick Surtain II WRONG!
- Giants-Kwity Paye WRONG!
- Eagles-DeVonta Smith CORRECT**
- Chargers-Alijah Vera-Tucker WRONG!
McShay gets a draft grade of A-. McShay was impressive. He deserves a pat on the back for a job well done. After the first two picks, he was 54% correct with his next 11 picks. He actually got the first 7 picks correctly. If only he can apply that skill to real life and correctly pick 7 Powerball numbers.
The draft is now over and thank goodness we can spare our ears and not have to listen to any more useless mock drafts. The sale of hairspray will decline sharply until after next year’s big game.
THE DAY IS HERE!
(4/29/21) BREAKING NEWS!! Here at Playbook, according to our source who is a friend of a friend of a friend of a friend who knows the janitor at Clemson who is friend of a friend of the landscaper who’s kid is a friend of a friend of the kid that sells bottle water at the Clemson games gave us reliable inside information that the Jacksonville Jaguars will take Trevor Lawrence with the first overall pick. We too have our sources just like these guys.
The NFL draft is finally here and the over and under for the word “special” being used by talking heads on TV is set at 1,000,000 by Vegas. The smart bet is take the over. These “draft experts” will be climbing over each other and drooling to call this or that guy “special”. Just picture a scene of a bunch of zombies trying to climb over each other trying to get to the top of the wall. These analysts are the zombies tonight. All the months of talking out of both sides of their mouths and double dipping in the cheese dip comes to an end tonight. Its time we grade the two so called “best” draft experts and see how they do tonight.
Mel Kiper’s projection for the 1st 13 picks.
- Jaguars-Trevor Lawrence
- NY Jets-Zach Wilson
- 49rs-Mac Jones
- Falcons-Kyle Pitts
- Bengals-Ja’Marr Chase
- Dolphins-DeVonta Smith
- Lions/Patriots-Trey Lance
- Panthers-Penei Sewell
- Broncos-Justin Fields
- Cowboys-Patrick Surtain II
- Giants-Jaylen Waddle
- Eagles-Jaycee Horn
- Chargers-Rashawn Slater
Todd McShay’s projection for the 1st 13 picks.
*red* indicates different pick from Mel Kiper
- Jaguars-Trevor Lawrence
- NY Jets-Zach Wilson
- 49rs-Trey Lance
- Falcons-Kyle Pitts
- Bengals-Ja’Marr Chase
- Dolphins-Jaylen Waddle
- Lions-Penei Sewell
- Panthers-Rashawn Slater
- Broncos-Justin Fields
- Cowboys-Patrick Surtain II
- Giants-Kwity Paye
- Eagles-DeVonta Smith
- Chargers-Alijah Vera-Tucker
Stay tune for our draft grades for Kiper and McShay….
YOU TOO CAN BE AN EXPERT
(4/21/21) “Are we there yet??” Not only kids are asking that but grown men are also asking the million dollar question. For the love of god can we just have the NFL draft already!! The media has been talking about the draft for over 2 months. These draft experts comes on every single day and pretend to know what every team is going to do. They pretend to know every single player in the draft down to a player’s favorite food, favorite color underwear, their fetishes and favorite place to go for weed. Please disregard the last item. In actuality they know as much as the guy who doesn’t follow football and is studying to become a vacuum repair man. The ring leader in all this is the great Bell Piper (name has been changed to protect his identity). How many times do I need to hear how great this guy is. This guy loves football. This guy is going to be special. blah blah blah..Its the same lines every single year for the last 50 years.
Thanks to our revolutionary plug and speak model. Anyone can become draft experts like these guys on TV.
Grandma: “I only bake cookies, can I be a draft expert?
Playbook: “Yes!! You can!!”
Clown with big shoes: “I do birthday parties for kids. Can I be a draft expert?
Playbook: “Yes!! You can!!”
3 year old: “goo goo gaga, goo goo gaga?
Playbook: “goo goo ga!! *translation: Yes!! You can!!”
Our model is easy. Just plug in any player of your choice and that’s it. You will sound like an expert even though you are not and will just be like those guys on TV.
“*plug random player here*, this guy is going to be great, he is going to be special, great football mind, loves football, high football IQ, he is going to be a great pick”
example from previous drafts:
“Sam Darnold, this guy is going to be great, he is going to be special, great football mind, loves football, high football IQ, he is going to be a great pick for any team!”
“Dwayne Haskins, this guy is going to be great, he is going to be special, great football mind, loves football, high football IQ, he is going to be a great pick for any team!”
“Mitchell Trubisky, this guy is going to be great, he is going to be special, great football mind, loves football, high football IQ, he is going to be a great pick for any team!”
See? it was that easy to become a draft expert. Stay tune for our Revolutionary Plug and Speak model for the NBA draft! You too can be a draft expert!!
PROMISE TO DO BETTER
(4/6/21) Another “promise to do better” moment, this time its Carlton Davis of the Tampa Bay Buccaneers. All of this could have been avoided if he would simply just watch the news and follow up on current events.
I guess this guy didn’t pay attention to history class at Auburn. Maybe he didn’t even go to class at all. He thinks the word “gooks” means “lame”. To think the word “gooks” is not offensive you have to be really dumb. That word is equivalent to calling a black person the “N” word. Are you telling me this guy has been using the word “gooks” as part of his daily vocabulary and not one person has told him that its offensive? Neither friends, teammates or family has never corrected this guy? It takes social media to educate this genius that the word is offensive?
The weak apology:
Every Asian can rejoice now!! Davis is going to retire the word from his vocabulary. That heart emoji at the end of his apology is so sweet and thoughtful. Someone also please remind him that its “given” not “giving”. Now there is double trouble, not only is he doesn’t know the meaning of words but he is also having trouble using the right words.
It will be a matter of time before his uses another word to insult another race and think it means something else. Eventually he will need to retire more words and eventually his entire vocabulary will consist of just 5 total words.
MASSAGE
(3/22/21) It’s never good when we hear a “Houston, we got a problem”. That is what people in the Texans organization is saying right now. Maybe they need to relax and just get a good massage to melt away the stress. Who doesn’t like a good massage right? Point me to the massage table and I’ll be out of my clothes and face down on the table within seconds. The problem is a massage can be quite expensive for a regular person who doesn’t make millions. If a massage was just $5 for an hour, we would be visiting the massage parlor 5 times a day, 7 days a week. My muscles would be in heaven and I would feel like a human rubber band.
Deshaun Watson, like the rest of us is a fan of massages. The only difference between him and us is that he has millions of the dollar in his bank account. This means massages whenever and where ever. Massages here, massages there, massages everywhere. Free Massages at the team facility apparently is not good enough for Watson. He feels the need to go on Instagram and finds his own masseuses. Now we have a problem because these women are claiming that Watson hasn’t been “professional’ during these massage sessions. As of this writing, 10 women has come forward with lawsuits against him. As recently as January 2021, a woman claimed that Watston was “touching her with his penis”. I don’t need to watch Law and Order to know that touching people with your penis is not really a good idea.
Is Watson guilty or is this all just a money grab? We don’t know but its definitely a problem when you potentially have more than 10 women coming forward. It also raises a lot of red flags on why Watson feel the need to actively seek out massages on Instagram. Maybe the blame should be placed on the Texans’ offensive line for allowing too many sacks and resulting in Watson with plenty of sore muscles.
With social distancing, why is Watson still trying to get massages? Go sit in a jacuzzi, sauna or steam room by yourself when you have sore muscles and you don’t have to worry about touching other people with your penis.
If your NCAA bracket is in shambles perhaps now is the best time to get a massage.
LET’S TALK ABOUT ME
(2/26/21) Its human nature to be jealous. I can’t help but look over and see the guy at the next table with a bigger steak than mine. I have to resort to eating my steak really slow because I don’t want to finish my steak and have to watch this guy still working on his steak while my stomach is still growling. **WORDS OF WISDOMS ALERT!** So kids, stay in school make a ton of money so you can afford a bigger piece of steak. **WORDS OF WISDOMS OVER**
Even the NFL is not immune to jealously. Quarterbacks in particular and full of it. This is the Tom Brady affect. These guys see Tom Brady keeps winning Superbowl after Superbowl and they are jealous. All the talk is about Tom Brady. Tom Brady this, Tom Brady that. How come no one is talking about them? They are humans and need attention too.
Aaron Rodgers after losing to Tom Brady in the Conference Championship wanted people to keep talking about him. He was not going to go quietly into the off season. He immediately brought up whether the Packers loved him and wanted him. Can someone please hand me a tissue so I can wipe away my tears. Right before the Superbowl he announces his engagement to Actress Shailene Woodley. They met sometime in 2020 and within a year is engaged?? According to my Book of Love, chapter 7, isn’t that kinda fast? Again, this is more like trying to get attention. Since, we are on this topic of engagement. I would like to announce my cousin is now engaged. My friend Bob is engaged. My friend Greg is engaged, not to a human but to his blow up doll. Love works in mysterious ways so who are we to judge right? Also, some guy I don’t know in my neighborhood just got engaged. Most of you are probably saying: “WHO THE H#LL CARES!!!. That’s right nobody really cares if Aaron Rodgers is engaged. He also name drops Jodie Foster in his MVP speech. Now he is going to host Jeopardy in April? What’s next? Judging cooking shows? It looks like Rodger’s priorities have changed. Tom Brady beating him and winning another Superbowl has created a very jealous man in Rodgers. He is now border line obsessed with being a celebrity and that he too can get people talking about him like Tom Brady.
YOU AGAIN?
(2/11/21) “For Christ’s sake, You Again?!!”..that is what Mickey, Donald, Goofy and the rest of the gang said when they saw Tom Brady at Disney World again and again and again. They were expecting some curly hair youngster but he soiled his diaper and couldn’t make it.
One year ago…
NFL Experts: “When it’s all said and done, Patrick Mahomes will be the best ever to play QB surpassing Tom Brady”
One year later after the Superbowl 55…
NFL Experts: “Nevermind.”
Mahomes had his one shot to prove that he can ultimately overtake Tom Brady as the GOAT when its all said and done but he failed miserably. His team got blown out of the water by a bunch of pirates and was force to walk the plank of shame. The cashier at Walmart, the teller at the bank, the grocery bagger at the supermarket and even the old lunch lady scooping mash potatoes in high school…they all now have something in common with Mahomes. They also have 0 touchdowns in the Superbowl. So for anyone that has never thrown an touchdown in the Superbowl don’t be too hard on yourself. Mahomes basically for the lack of a better term, chose the Superbowl to pooped and peed all over himself. Can we please have cleanup in aisle 15. We also have ketchup everywhere. Once again Mahomes is playing with ketchup just like he did in those commercials.
Now even Adrian Peterson wants to play in Tampa.
Mahomes: “hey AP, come to Kansas City we are going to win you a ring. We are the favorite to win the Superbowl next year.”
Peterson: “ummm…I think I am going to play with Brady instead but if I do need insurance I’ll hit you up.”
The legend of Tom Brady continues….
ALMOST GAME DAY
(2/6/21) Twas the night before the Big Game. Let’s have a final weigh in and some final thoughts. Be safe everyone and to all Tampa residents…please do not burn down Disney World.
BETTER COACH
Bruce Arians looks like he has other ambitions like making an appearance on the next Star Wars movie as a X-wing pilot with all his gears on while Andy Reid looks like he has nothing better to do but coach football.
WINNER: ANDY REID
BETTER CITY:NEW ENGLAND OR KANSAS CITY
Let’s get this one thing straight. Tampa Bay “borrowed” Tom Brady. New England “lend” him to Tampa….just like a library book, eventually you will need to return it to it’s proper place. You can also think of Brady as a limousine rental for a big event. How many championships did Kansas City win compare to New England?
WINNER: NEW ENGLAND
BETTER HAIRCUT
This one is close. Rumor is that you might get some insurance discount rate if your hair looks like Mahomes. Tom’s hair can upgrade anyone to cool status. Because many Americans are financially distress…saving on insurance helps.
WINNER: MAHOMES
BETTER NAME: TOM OR PATRICK
TOM-When we think of the Tom, we think of Tom Cruise, Tom Brady and even Tom Green. For the younger generation Tom Holland.
30 year old guy: “mom, why did you name me Tom?”
Mom: “honey, you were name after Tom Brady, the greatest ever”
30 year old guy: “AWESOME!! I love you mom!”
Patrick-Quick! think of 3 famous Patricks..most people probably can’t. I can think of two..Patrick Starfish and Pat from Saturday Night Live.
40 year old guy: “mom, did you really name me Patrick after watching Spongebob?”
Mom: “ummm….well….ummm…ok…ok…Yes we did! your dad was name Bob so we figure we name you Patrick, we are sorry”
40 year old guy: “Thanks for nothing mom!”
WINNER: BRADY
BEST BUDDY
Mahomes best buddies are Kelce and Hill on the field but don’t expect them to go bowling together and enjoying pizza.
Brady on the other hand has Gronk. They grew up together in the league. This guy is like the perfect friend and buddy. He is dependable, loyal, always happy and enjoy life. Brady and Gronk is the true definition of BFF. The world would be a better place if more people are like Gronk.
WINNER:BRADY
50 YEARS FROM NOW
In a galaxy far far away…and here on earth..we will hot debates and discussions on who is the greatest just like Jordan or Lebron. Brady is Jordan. Mahomes is Lebron. We all know who the winner is and its number 12.
WINNER:BRADY
EASY DECISION
(2/1/21) Life is filled with many hard decisions but it doesn’t have to be. Should you supersize your combo? Should you buy that scratch ticket knowing you are going to lose 95% of the time. Should you swan dive into a pool that is frozen solid? Should you rob a bank because you want more money? Who should you take on the Superbowl when you plop down that stimulus money at the wager window ? Chiefs -3 or Buccaneers +3? That is a hard question but is it? We are here to make that decision easy.
Forget about all the analysis you are going to hear from now up to game day. You gotta contain Kelce…Don’t let Hill beat you deep… Make Brady uncomfortable in the pocket…..blah blah blah…Throw all that loud noise out the window. It all comes down to the two QBs. You put your money on who is going to be more prepared. Mahomes has great talent but he is still young and lack the experience in the big game. Sure he won the Superbowl last year but it was more the 49ers didn’t finish the job. Brady has been to 9 Superbowls and has seen every defensive scheme thrown at him. Brady’s talent may have diminished a bit over the years but his greatest asset is his work ethics and mindset. I have no doubt Brady will spend more time preparing for this game then Mahomes. Mahomes is still young and the lure of parties is going to be there. He will be at parties because he wants to fit in with his teammates. There are no Superbowl parties on Brady’s schedule. He will make a quick 10 minute appearance, drink a bottle of spring water and head right back home to look at game tapes. Brady is obsessed with perfection. He not only knows the answers to the test but also wrote the test questions. Brady won’t be having any hangovers from parties, he will eat healthy and get in a good night’s sleep. All business and losing is not an option. Losing the coin toss might even piss him off. That is how competitive he is. This is the type of guy I want to lead my team.
So let’s not make things complicated. You have a chance to back the greatest QB ever and getting 3 points at home? It is a no brainer just like the guy who placed a $2.3 million dollars on the Bucs getting 3.5 points.
That guy is me.
WHAT IF..
(1/28/21) This Superbowl between Mahomes and Brady has a good chance to be the most watched Superbowl in history. The NFL is hoping everything goes smoothly leading up to game time. The NFL’s has one scenario that can ruin everything.
What if…….Patrick Mahomes or Tom Brady or even both test positive for Covid 2 days before the big game? That is the ultimate nightmare for the NFL. Imagine a Superbowl battle between Chad Henne and Blaine Gabbert. Roger Goodell may or may not believe in God but before he heads to bed every night in his nightshirt and nightcap, he says a little prayer blessing the two starting quarterback.
Don’t worry people, Mahomes and Brady testing positive before the Superbowl is not going to happen. There is too much at stake and the NFL will never let it happen. Billlions of dollars are at stake. Yes! Billions when you factor in the total wagers both legal and illegal on the game. My 90-year-old grandmother even decided to invest some of her 401k on the game. My dog can’t even watch the Puppy Bowl without having a little action on it. Everyone is betting on this game period.
We know nothing is guaranteed in life except for death and taxes, you can add in another guarantee that Mahomes and Brady will start the Superbowl. The NFL may have already skipped the vaccine line and gave both of them the vaccine under the “Emergency Use Authorization”. Tested positive 2 days before the game? No problem. Time for the age old solution of the “Bulky White Envelope” being slid across the table to whoever has the test result. The NFL has a big broom and can sweep pretty much anything under the rug. Perhaps Covid-19 is a big football fan and has already made up its mind.
Maybe this happen:
Covid 19: “Alright guys listen. we cannot infect Mahomes and Brady. Whoever infect Mahomes or Brady is going to be swimming in a pool of vaccine. Infecting a lot of people is tiring and I need a break. I am going to take next weekend off and watch a great Superbowl. If we need to infect someone on either team, let’s pick some backup lineman or the backup extra point holder”
So basically there is no “What if..” Everyone can calm down and start their grocery shopping for chips and dips and have your local pizza establishments on speed dial. This is going to be a great game no matter who you root for.
Go Brady!! -From your friends up north in New England.
EVERYONE IS WELCOME
(1/11/21) I just won the Nobel Prize for Literature and I ain’t apologizing for winning. Hey, if they are dumb enough to pick me then I will gladly accept. If Tony Romo is a Hall of Famer than I too can win the Nobel Prize.
Tony Romo, the man with 2 playoff wins in 14 seasons with the Cowboys. The man with 0 Superbowl wins. He had a career high in touchdowns one year with 36 but also threw 19 interceptions. This is what it takes to get into the Hall of Fame? Romo at best is an average to good quarterback. He is not close to being a great quarterback. A lot of these voters must be visiting chiropractors after voting him in because they are bending backwards to get him in. Perhaps Jerry Jones had a little *something something* inside a white envelope to motivate whoever is on this voting committee.
The Pro Football Hall of Fame just announce that they are lowering their standards and is opening the doors to everyone. Everyone?? Yes! Everyone! They will now induct 1000 people every year.
LET’S LOOK AT FUTURE HALL OF FAMERS:
Dwayne Haskins: I am a bust but I got selected in the first round. Can I get into the Hall of Fame?
Hall of Fame: Yes! You got selected in the first round did you? You are in!
Blake Bortles: I won 2 playoff games in my career like Romo. Can I get in?
Hall of Fame: Yes! You are in!
Dreamer: I had a dream that I won 8 Superbowls. Am I in?
Hall of Fame: 8?? More than Tom Brady? Impressive!! Yes! You are in!
Gamer: I scored 4 touchdowns in a game once in Madden. Am I in?
Hall of Fame: Was is NFL Madden 20? Doesn’t matter. Yes! You are in!
Al Bundy: I once score 4 touchdowns in a high school game. Am I in?
Hall of Fame: The legend of Polk High is definitely in. Yes! You are in!
Joe Nobody: I didn’t play football but I did stay at a Holiday Inn. Am I in?
Hall of Fame: Was the bed comfortable? Yes! You are in!
Unemployed Fan: I watched 10 straight hours of football on Sunday. Am I in?
Hall of Fame: Any bathroom breaks? Yes! You are in!
Tom Brady: *just smiles*
Hall of Fame: 2 words and 2 words….GREATEST EVER! Definitely in!
Colin Kaepernick: Am I in?
Hall of Fame: Ummm…..ummmm…we will get back to you sir.
TOM
(1/6/21) Ohio State is a great school filled with great educational programs. Graduates from Ohio State goes on to become successful contributor to the world. These graduates are a gift from the university to the world. The Redskins are blessed to have not one but two great minds in Dwayne Haskins and Chase Young.
Hold his beer Dwayne Haskins because Chase Young is going to show you that he can be dumber than you. He said he wants Tom. At first maybe we all misinterpreted and maybe we misheard. Maybe he meant he wants to meet Tom Cruise. Or maybe he meant that he wants Tom and Jerry to get along and become best buddies. Nope, he went after the Tom Brady aka The GOAT and God’s gift to the NFL.
How stupid do you have to be to call out Tom Brady and then double down on it that you have no regret. ***Side story….I once tried to be cool and double down on hard 17 against a 10 showing and immediately regretted it when people around the table laughed and called me an idiot. End of side story***
***Back to main story…Hasn’t he learned anything from Dwayne Haskins? Don’t make dumb decisions that will cost you. Chase Young has learned absolutely nothing. He just wrote a check his mouth is not going to be able cash. Get ready for an overdraft fee buddy because your check is going to bounce big time. Tom Brady is not going to have mercy on you. Just pray his arm gets too tired from putting up touchdowns after touchdowns. Pray that Brady has a leg cramp or else his foot is not lifting from the accelerator. Its not going to look pretty. Hide the woman and children in Washington and do not let them watch this game. Forget this game was ever played.
Hours after the game, Chase Young still with his helmet and pads will lock himself in his closet. Refusing to see anyone and in a fetal position uttering the words “I am sorry Tom, I am sorry Tom”. That is how he will spend his offseason. When training camp opens, he will emerge as a better and wiser person. No longer young and dumb.
BUH-BYE
(1/3/21) There is this scene in the first John Wick where he walks into a church and immediately shoots the pastor in the leg. I remember watching it and for a moment I lost my faith in Keanu Reeves. I thought he only kill or hurt bad people. Why did he shoot that innocent pastor?? Why John, Why??? Moments later the pastor yelled out “Motherfu@$%r!!!”..Aha!! He was a bad guy and was not a real pastor. My faith in the “Baba Yaga” was restored immediately. John Wick still remains a hero to us all.
Bill Belichick on the other hand has a long way to go to restore the faith of New England fans. Patriots’ fans are asking why is Cam Newton starting the last game of the season? Does he have something over Belichick? Does he have pictures of Belichick in a thong? Maybe he has Belichick’s magic hoodie and threaten to dry clean it if Belichick doesn’t start him. What is going on here? Nothing makes sense. Jarrett Stidham should have been in there throwing the ball 40 times to see what he got. If Stidham is really really that bad, Belichick better take a quarterback next draft.
It is safe to say 99.9% of the people in New England do not want Cam Newton back next year. Please leave Cam. Do your stupid Superman symbol reveal somewhere else. There is no room for you on the swan boats. All the duck boats are full. Lobsters in New England are reserves for winners and you are not even worthy of a claw. So please pack yourself a bowl of clam chowder and proceed to Logan Airport. Your flight out of New England is waiting.
On second thought, doesn’t Newton thinks he is Superman why don’t he just makes it easy on us and just fly away.
DWAYNE “HAS BEEN”
(12/28/20) We would like to welcome Dwayne Haskins to the Americans club. Like most Americans he is unemployed and will be looking forward to his stimulus check of $600 (holding out hope it becomes $2000). Haskins on the other hand wants his $600 all in one dollar bills for reasons unknown *wink wink*
Dwayne Haskins got released by the Redskins today and its a gain for everybody. The Redskins no longer has to deal with his stupidity and strip clubs are ready to have Haskins on their property 7 days a week. Can you say VIP membership in the near future for him?
He can go party with strippers all he want and there won’t be any fines coming to him. He no longer has to worry about quarterback meeting, practice or going over game plans. Life is going to be great for this guy.
Dwayne Haskins new daily itinerary
Monday: Wake up at 2pm..head over to the strip club
Tuesday: Wake up at 2pm..head over to the strip club
Wednesday: Wake up at 2pm..head over to the strip club
Thursday: Go to bank. withdraw cash and make sure to get lots of dollar bills and then head over to strip club.
Friday: Do homework. Google where the best strip clubs are and map it out
Saturday: Wake up at 2pm..head over to the strip club
Sunday: file unemployment benefits and watch NFL in tears and wish he was there.
This guy was drafted 15th overall and after 2 years may have played his last game ever in an NFL uniform. At least he went out in style with 2 interceptions, 1 fumble and got pulled for a QB who was on the practice squad. Urban Meyer called this guy the “best quarterback prospect” he has ever seen. Really? Remind me to never get advice from Urban Meyer. Good for the Redskins for getting rid of this guy. He just comes across as lazy and there is not one ounce of motivation in his whole body. Is it me or does he look chubby and fat? I doubt he spends a lot of time in the weight room or been introduced to a threadmill.
Here is a free advice for NFL teams. DO NOT DRAFT QUARTERBACKS FROM OHIO STATE!! They all sucks and will never be anybody in the NFL. Terrelle Pryor? Troy Smith? Braxton Miller? J.T. Barrett? They only look good in college but in the NFL they are all failures. Justin Fields is going to be different you say? Wrong!! He is more likely to become Haskins 2.0. So who do you draft? You take that tall, slow, white backup QB from Michigan who nobody cares about but is super focus and motivated.
FIRST DOWN REALLY???
(12/21/20) The “Zebras” aka the NFL officials need to be thrown in jail because they are constantly committing crimes right in front of our eyes. What I learn from watching Law and Order is that being an accomplice is just as guilty as committing the crime yourself.
Everyone involve in the replay system in the NFL is a complete joke from referees on the field to the replay booth in New York. America sees the replay and it is so obvious what the call should be and then these guys come on and with a straight face and call something else. The call should take just a few minutes but these guys take so damn long. We understand you need to look at the clock and where to place the ball but these guys just keeps talking and talking to each other. What are these guys really talking about? hmmm…something else is going on. Dare to say its gambling related? This past Sunday there were 2 calls that was completely ridiculous.
The first one is the Buccaneers and Falcons game. 4th quarter, Buccaneers were leading 31-27 with less than a minute left in the game. 3rd and 2 and a first down seals the game. Leonard Fournette rushed and was clearly short by more than a yard. They went to replay and it clearly showed he was way short but they gave Tampa a great spot and when they brought the chains out…the ball still look short of a first down!. 99.9% of everyone watching the replay at home can see they are short. Guess what? The refs still gave the Buccaneers a first down!! Why is this important? A first down allowed the Buccaneers to take a knee and game over. The right call should have been 4th and 1 and Tampa would have kicked a short field goal to make it a 7 point game. The spread in Vegas was Atlanta +6.5. Did someone involve with replay has money riding on Atlanta????
Chiefs at Saints was where another call from the refs didn’t make any sense. Taysonm Hill clearly got in for a touchdown. Replay showed clear as day he didn’t step out of bound and knocked over the pylon for a touchdown. Again, everyone including the announcers said that this is an easy call and should be a touchdown. Guess what? The referee call him short! What are these guys watching?
We are guessing this is what happen when the officials takes forever on a decision….
Official 1 Bob: “it looks short, its going to be fourth down”
Official 2 Steve:“hold on a second Bob..hey man, I got a bet on the Falcons, we have to give the Buccaneers a first down. I need this cover. Dinner on me after the game”
Official 3 Ron: “Me and my buddies also got money on the Falcons +6.5”
Official 1 Bob: “that settles it. I am giving him the first down. I don’t care what the public thinks. Steve, you owe me a nice juicy steak for dinner and perhaps a nice big white envelope for my Christmas gift?
Official 2 Steve: ” You got it buddy!!”
A few minutes later…
Upon further review, the call is confirmed! First down Tampa Bay!!
There you have it. Replay means nothing in the NFL. I wish I have a best friend who is an official in the NFL or up in the replay booth. I would make so much money betting on these games.
SEMEDIUM
(12/16/20) “sorry sir, we do not have a smedium section” said the clerk. So what is a buff guy suppose to do if he wanted to impress the ladies? He simple heads on over to the kids section where there are plenty of clothes to cram his 30 inch biceps into.
This leads us to those State Farm Commercials with Jake which we have seen like a million times while watching football on Sunday. We see Jake with Aaron Rodgers and Patrick Mahomes but there is something else that most of us is curious and inquiry minds wants to know. What is the deal with Jake and his smedium shirt? He looks like a red incredible hulk that hasn’t gotten angry yet. That shirt is so tight on him that an extra inch of movement to the left or right will result in a massive wardrobe malfunction.
There are a few questions that need to be asked. Did Jake purposely choose a Smedium so he can outshine Rodgers and Mahomes? Did State Farm initially bought just one t-shirt and it wasn’t in the budget to get a bigger size when they realize that Jake was built like a linebacker? Maybe this was a public service announcement to the Smedium crowd that its ok to bench press 300 pounds, shop at the kids section and jam those muscles into a painfully tight outfit so you can impress the ladies.
In the last few days there have been new commercials from State Farms and it looks like the company did spare a few extra bucks in the wardrobe department and got Jake something bigger. What are they going to do with that Smedium shirt? Retire it in the Smedium Hall of Fame? Don’t get us started on Jake’s rolled up pant legs that is like 12 inches above the shoe. That is another story for another day.
HE AIN’T WAYNE
(12/14/20) Cam Newton and Wayne Newton has something in common. After watching their performance, people are going to stand up.
When you attend a performance by Wayne Newton in Vegas you are going to stand up and applaud the guy cause he is entertaining. He has a talent, can sing and is always on his game. I use to think what is the big deal about this guy they call “Mr. Vegas” but after I was reluctantly dragged to one of his shows, I can see why they pay him millions.
When you watch a performance by Cam Newton you too are going to stand up. Unlike Wayne Newton, you won’t be applauding his performance. You will be standing because you just threw up in your mouth and is choking on your own vomit. You patiently hope that someone will get behind you and perform the Heimlich maneuver. All this the result of another pathetic performance by Cam Newton.
On a pathetic scale of 1-10 with 10 being absolutely pathetic he is a 20. He is as useless as a quarterback as you can get. One of the requirements of being a quarterback is the ability to throw the ball. This guy simply cannot throw the ball if humanity’s existence require that he completes more than 10 passes in a game. That comes out to a little over 2 passes per quarter. Is this what a quarterback in the National Football League look like? Cam Newton single-handedly is turning the Patriots into the worst offensive team in the history of the NFL. Cam Newton is a kryptonite for wide receivers. You have to be prepare to dive 15 feet in front of you or jump 30 feet in the air if you have any chance of catching one of his throws.
Thank god the season is almost over for the Patriots so they can finally move on from this guy who call himself a quarterback. Can someone please tell Cam that chewing gum with your mouth open is rude?
FOR PETE’S SAKE
(12/4/20) When the gate of opportunities open you have to mad dash through it like shoppers waiting in line on Black Friday for 8 hours and finally the doors are open. You have to seize the moment because you just wasted 8 hours of your life staving off hypothermia because you think its cool to stand outside in a T-shirt in the Winter cold. All in the name of the Holy Grail you call a Playstation 5.
Or you can be a chicken when the opportunity is at your doorsteps.
Don’t be a chicken when the time comes. Peter Griffin III of the Baltimore Ravens did just that. He laid an egg. When Lamar Jackson tested positive for Covid, it was the perfect opportunity for Griffin. It was time for him to show teams around the league that he could still play. He should have studied that playbook really really hard. He should have gone home, find some guy and just throw 1000 passes every single night before bed. He should have watch hours and hours of tape on Pittsburg’s defense.
No, instead, he looked terrible, lost and looks like he was just going through the motion. He did have a nice long run and immediately did a first down signal with his arm. After that, he decided to clock out and call it a day’s work and cashed his paycheck. Can’t believe he got $2 million from the Ravens. Also, his day wouldn’t be complete unless he injures himself AGAIN!
There goes his chance of resurrecting his career. He completed 7 passes for 33 yards. If he never throws another yard for the rest of the season, he got paid a little over $60,600 per yard. What a dream job! While his replacement came in and threw a 70 yard touchdown. The Ravens should have started McSorley instead of a washed up Peter Griffin III.
Finally, there is an apology that needs to be made and it goes out to Peter Griffin. I am sorry for lumping the two together. You have done more in your career and for your family than Robert Griffin III will ever accomplish in the NFL.
4th DOWN AND DOUGH
(11/18/20) Herm Edwards said it best…”you play to win the game”. Yet, week in week out you see the one thing that makes absolutely no sense. Every time I see this, I just want to reach into the TV and just wrap my hands around the neck of these coaches and ask what are they doing. I am talking about punting on 4th down when your team is trailing big.
If I am down by a lot of points after halftime, I am going to go for it on EVERY 4th down. We are talking about when you are down big like more than 28 points. I don’t care if its 4th and 10 at my 20 yard line or its 4th and 40. I am going for it. I see teams down by 21 points in the 4th quarter with less than a minute to go and they punt. It makes no sense whatsoever. I repeat, I will never punt regardless of how many yards to go. What is the point of punting it away???? So you can keep the score close? By going for it, you can still draw a holding call or a pass interference thus giving you a first down. By punting it away, you are pretty much saying you have no fight left and let’s just get this game over with. What ever happen to playing the full 60 minutes? Giving it all you got till the final whistle? You are letting your players down. They are playing hard but you want to throw in the towel just to keep the score close. Who cares if you lose by 10 points or lose by 40 points. It is still a loss. Moral victory because you kept it close is weak. I rather see a coach go all out trying to win.
Why is this a hard concept for coaches to wrap there head around? This happens all the time in the NFL and college. Don’t tell me its another stupid unwritten rule.
There is just one explanation left. Here is the truth that no one wants to hear. Its all about keeping the betting lines stable. Imagine if coaches everywhere never punts when they are down big, the gambling world would be in chaos. Bookmakers would not be able to set a reasonable total and spread. Don’t be naive and think the coaches and players do not know the betting lines on their games. They all have friends or know someone who is betting on the game. 4th down in football is all you need to know that gambling controls all sports.
WANT TO TRY ON MY RING?
(11/12/20) I got pulled over once for speeding and I knew I had to think fast if I wanted to wiggle myself out of this situation with just a warning. As the office approaches, I looked over at my cupholder and their it was…an ice coffee that I just bought and hadn’t had a chance to drink it. This was my golden ticket to get out of his ticket. After him asking me do I know how fast I was going and giving him my license and registration. I suddenly said..”Officer, by the way, I have an extra ice coffee here and would you like to have it to help you get through your shift?”… He gave me a look and just walked back to his patrol car…15 minutes later, I was staring at a $280 speeding ticket. At least I still had my ice coffee.
Tony LaRussa like myself recently had an encounter with law enforcement. He got busted for DUI again!
Here is what I don’t get. He has millions of dollars in his bank account. Things like these should never ever happen. If I was rich like these guys I would buy a limo and have a chauffeur who would drive me anywhere at anytime. My hands will never touch a steering wheel ever again. Already have 25 beers? No Problem, let’s pound 5 more to make it a nice round number. So drunk that you look like Daniel Jones and Philip Rivers bumbling around on the ground? No Problem, I’ll have my 300 pound bodyguard named George give me a piggyback ride back to the limo. No need to pull over to water the grass. I have my own custom toilet install inside the limo. I might have to pee sitting down but that’s the price you pay for convenience. That’s what money can do!! It solves a lot of problems. Forget Uber, Uber is not for the rich.
To make matters worst, he decides to play his “DO YOU KNOW WHO I AM?!!” card. He flashed the arresting officer his World Series Ring and reminded him that he was a Hall of Famer. He is hoping the officer would be so star struck by the presence of greatness that an autograph was his “Get Out Of Jail, Free” card. Failed! My ice coffee trick was a better idea even though it failed too.
I hope this is a teaching moment for the rich and famous. Invest in a limo, a chauffeur and a big bodyguard. Leave the DUI to us regular folks that can’t afford to own a limo.
I CAN DO BETTER
(11/10/20) Move over there is a new sheriff in town. Sorry, we need to rephrase that. Move over there is a new clown in town. What is going on with these QB acting like clowns? They are tripping all over the place and flopping like fish out of water. We need to stop saying these athletes are the best in the world. They are not. Stop lying to us.
Move over Daniel Jones, its Philip Rivers turn to make America laugh. The Colts were playing the Ravens and after a fumble Philip Rivers decided to show Daniel Jones this is how you really embarrass yourself. He tripped all over himself and fell on his back. While on his back with the runner jumping over him, he decides to just flail his arms in the air as if he doesn’t care. Maybe he was trying to do the wave on his back. Maybe he was hoping by flailing his arms he might catch a shoelace of the runner and cause him to trip. When all fails he decides to just lie on his back and play dead like a possum. Please Youtube it but be warned that you might die of laughter.
Rivers and Jones should start an act together and travel the world like the Ringling Brothers. They should call themselves the Bumbling and Tumbling Dynamic Duo. Perhaps their agents can get them weekend gigs at kids birthday parties. Forget hiring clowns for your kids birthday party. That is so old fashioned. The next big thing is hiring professional NFL Qbs to flop around in your back yard. No props are needed, just tell them to move and they will be on the ground in no time. Adults and kids will definitely be entertain. Who ever said the NFL is a No Fun League is a liar.
THE QUESTION
(11/4/20) America has been debating the one question for decades and finally we may have the answer. The votes are in and the ballots are counted. It is not too early to call. These are not projections and no waiting for precincts to report. The verdict is in.
Who is more responsible for the Patriots Dynasty, Brady or Belichick? It is so obvious now. The answer is Thomas Edward Patrick Brady, Jr. Here is the tale of the two men.
Jack Sparrow can not be more proud of the Buccaneers. Tom Brady single-handedly turned the Buccaneers into a Super Bowl threat. He has so many weapons on that team that the United Nations is starting to worry. Don’t worry United Nations. You do not need to send a team to investigate, there are no WMDs (Weapons of Mass Destruction)..they are just football players. Well, maybe Antonio Brown might qualify as WMD. The greatest tight end in the NFL said he would only play for one quarterback only. Gronk aka Gronkey Kong aka Gronkenstein aka Gronky or just simply Mr. Happy even came out of retirement to join this Fellowship of the rings lead not by Frodo but by Brady.
Meanwhile down in cold, sad and gloomy Foxboro…Bill Belichick sits alone in a big empty room, wrapped in a blanket and hoping for a Christmas miracle. The Patriots is a big mess, lead by a fashion model trying to play quarterback. Belichick no longer looks like the genius with the magical hoody and cut off sleeves. He looks mortal and for the first time in 20 years, he may have trouble sleeping before game day. No more sleeping like a baby, snuggly and warm during the winter months. No more telling Brady to just do his job, sit back and just watch another “W” in the win column. Now, its waking up every 15 minutes with visions of Cam Newton fumbling or throwing interceptions. Times are tough for the greatest coach of all time. Praying to god that the next Tom Brady will come and bring happiness back to New England.
The Patriots could have kept the good times rolling. All they had to do was pay Tom Brady and get him weapons. The mistake was that they thought they can live without Brady as long as Belichick is there. All is not lost New England. Brady will forever be a Patriot and will go into the Hall of Fame as such.
THE FALL OF SUPERMAN
(10/30/20) This science project is over. The volcano just spew all over itself and burn the judges. A big fat F- grade is stamped on the report card. The Cam Newton experiment is a big failure in New England. The Patriots thought they were getting Superman to continue the dynasty but instead they got Flim Flam Man. Newton single handedly is setting the Patriots offense back to the stone age. Newton is more concern about out wardrobing Willy Wonka on a weekly basis than studying that playbook and being a good QB. Maybe he is trying but doesn’t possess enough IQ points required to understand its complexity. The Patriots should probably simplify their playbook to the level of a kid’s picture book with minimal words and giant pictures and perhaps just 2 plays in it. Anything more than 2 plays is just going to confused and cause excessive stress for the great Cam Newton. WRs just love running routes for him knowing the ball will never be there. They are just running for their own health and exercise. The ball is either overthrown by 15 yards or skipped in front of them. Bill Belichick is probably frustrated as heck going from Brady to Newton.
Reenactment:
Bill Belichick:“DO YOUR JOB NEWTON!!”
Cam Newton: “I am!! I just suck at it!!”
Remember this a few months ago…
Getting a stud huh? Well, I would say the Patriots got a dud instead and absolutely useless. There goes Greg Olsen’s credibility as a talent evaluator. The Patriots should just tank the whole season and go after a “stud” QB in next year’s draft. Cam Newton can start his next career as a run way model for Halloween costumes.
Also remember this a few months ago…
Asking for a friend?? Well, tell your friend that there is a reason why teams are only willing to pay league minimum for Newton. Patriots should be asking for a refund instead of paying him the minimum. He had manage to turn the Patriots from a team nobody wants to play to a team everyone wishes they can play 16 times a season with Newton as QB. Patriots wish it was just a wardrobe malfunction with Newton but its more like a QB malfunction, the worst kind in the NFL.
THINGS THAT MAKE YOU GO HMMM
(10/26/20) Two things happened in college football over the weekend that you will never see again in the next 1000 years.
SMU at Cincinnati-SMU has just completed a pass to the Cincinnati 9 yard line and it was 1st down and goal with 24 seconds left before halftime. The score at the moment was Cincinnati 14, SMU 7. SMU had timeouts. Instead of calling a timeout and running a few plays these guys stood around clueless as the time kept ticking down. They finally called a timeout with like 4 seconds left to kick a field goal!! What on earth just happen???
How can this possibly happen?? Was the head coach watching the game at all? What about the other coaches on the field next to the head coach?? What about the offensive coordinator up in the booth?? How about the QB who is a senior?? Holy crap! Is the whole team daydreaming and spaced out at the same time? The defense for Cincinnati just stood there looking at each other and they couldn’t believe what was happening. It takes a group effort to be this dumb and SMU managed to pulled off the impossible.
Nebraska at Ohio State– It was the 4th quarter and Ohio State has a 1st and goal at the 2 yard line of Nebraska with 18 seconds left in the game. 99.9% of the time, teams would just take a knee. Ohio State instead ran a play and scored. The Ohio State’s coach later said they didn’t have the right personnel on the field. What??? He must think we are all idiots. That is the weakest excuse ever in the history of sports. You do not need the right personnel to take a knee! I have never played a single down of college football and if you put pads on me I can take a knee for Ohio State. Do I go down with my left knee or right knee?? Hmmm…something just doesn’t add up.
Upon further investigation, something more was at stake. The spread on this game was Ohio State -28 and some places have it at -28.5 with a total of 68. At that point with 18 seconds left, the score was Nebraska 17, Ohio State 45. My handy dandy calculator tells me that 45-17=28. The calculator also tells me that 45+17=62 total points. Millions of dollars hang in the balance. Instead of taking a knee, Ohio State ran the ball in for a touchdown making the score 52-17. NOW IT ALL MAKE SENSE!! Ohio State ends up winning by 35 points and covering the spread. ALSO, by scoring, the total of the game is now 69 and going over the total of 68. Teams are always aware of the spread. Discretion is the key when you try to cover a spread. What Ohio State did was so blatant. I am sure Vegas is looking into how much money was bet on Ohio State.
8 YARDS
(10/23/20) We are not talking about 8 miles but 8 yards. They say football is a game of inches. To Daniel Jones its a game of 8 yards. Those 8 yards from the end zone will be replayed forever whenever someone needs a good laugh or cheering up.
Joe: “Man, I am so sad today”
Bob:“Here, look at this Daniel Jones run”
Joe:“hahahahahahaha!!! thanks Bob!! I feel great!!!”
“Am I there yet?!!!”…those are the words Daniel Jones was thinking about when he broke through the defensive line and was heading to the promise land. The end zone was just over the horizon and he turned on the afterburner but it looked like he forgot to pay the gas bill and was running on fumes. He tripped and the rest is history and will be replayed on Youtube millions of times. You can hear the Eagles sideline yelling for someone to tackle him and seconds later they thought they were watching a comedy show. This is also an example of why you never give up on a play. If the Eagles defenders totally give up and just stood and watch, Jones could have literally rolled into the end zone from the 8 yard line. That itself would have been a great sequel to watch after the trip. Rolling from the 8 yard line to the end zone would have been a great visual.
Thank god it was not a regular jam pack stadium for a Monday Night game. Guinness World Record would have been called for the loudest laughter in unison of 69,000 fans. The worst thing to come out of this is that another urban legend has been confirmed. Not only White man can’t jump……White man can’t run.
Well, at least if AAA ever needs a spoke person they can contact Daniel Jones.
AAA:“AAA, how can I help you?”
Driver:“yeah, it seems like I am Daniel Jones”
AAA:“Sorry to hear that you ran out of gas sir. We will send someone oveer with a tank of gas”
CRAZY TALK
(10/19/20) Person A. Takes his family to the zoo, see the bear, take a few pictures with the bear and go home happy. Person B. Goes to the zoo alone, see the bear, poke the bear, tries to outrun the bear and eventually get mauled to death by the bear. Jamaal Williams of the Packers is Person B.
Jamaal Williams made fun of Tom Brady with the following remarks:
“I’m pretty sure my quarterback knows what fourth down is, you know what I mean? That’s what I’m saying, like, Aaron Rodgers would never do that. Never. You know what I mean? “He’s too smart for that.
Jamaal Williams apparently is not too smart himself. He took a cheap shot at not just any quarterback but the best QB EVER. You have to be a complete moron to do that. This is not Sam Darnold or Mitch Trubisky we are talking about here. I am pretty sure he got chewed out by his teammates and the coaching staff behind closed doors. It would also be better if he had came out and said he had too much to drink when he made those comments.
Tom Brady underneath that beautiful smile and perfect hair is saying “Does this M@#fker know who I am? and who the F$%k! is this guy anyway?”..Tom Brady was ready to go John Wick on Green Bay’s defense but his defensive buddies told him to relax and not get his hands dirty. The Buccaneers defense totally shut down Aaron Rodgers and made him mediocre. Future Hall of Fame paying patron Jamaal Williams managed 34 fantastic rushing yards. For the season Williams has zero touchdowns, same as my next door neighbor who is 80 years old.
Let this be a lesson to be learn. It will also not be the last time some knucklehead opens his mouth and ends up looking stupid. For Jamaal Williams, it was either go big or go home. He went after the best ever so he deserves some credit for that. He can now go back to being a backup.
HALFTIME: COVID 19, ALABAMA 7
(10/15/20) In Alabama, god goes by the name of Nicholas Lou Saban Jr. Covid-19 however does not give a damn who you are. You figure Covid wouldn’t dare mess with such a powerful deity of college football. Saban might call an all out blitz and leave Covid running for it’s life. He might “Roll Tide” on Covid. Bad news, Saban has tested positive for the virus and now must quarantine. Perhaps Covid is a Clemson fan.
We wish him a speedy recovery so he can go back to kick butt and take names. Players at colleges and universities across the country are testing positives and the season keeps rolling along with minimal cancelations. Saban however is not just a regular player or coach. He is a big deal in college football. The positive test of Nick Saban is putting college football at a crucial point. God forbid if Saban gets seriously ill. He is 68-years old and falls in the category of high risk. If his health does deteriorate, college football will rethink its decision to keep playing. The money grab of college football will have to wait till next year.
Covid doesn’t care whether or not you are a legendary football coach or some dude working the register at the supermarket. Covid is equal opportunity. Covid thought they had infected Superman but found out that the “Superman” that plays for the Patriots is a fake. Usain Bolt, the man can run like a blur but Covid still caught up to him. Bert and Ernie of Sesame Street tested positive for the virus but after walking through a car wash they tested negative. Pinocchio said he tested positive for Covid but it was later revealed that he lied.
The point is Covid is real and doesn’t matter who or what you are. Stay safe everyone.
GOT MILK? NO, GOT GREEDY
(10/12/20) Dak Prescott got too greedy and wanted every single dollar and may now regret his decision.
Pieces of paper just gone up in smoke over the weekend. Those pieces of paper belong to Dak Prescott’s dream contract of $40+ million a year. The football gods decided to teach him a lesson about greed. Cowboy fans now wants Jerry Jones to take care of Prescott and his contract. Jerry Jones is going to show he care by sending him a get well card from Hallmark. That is pretty much the only “take care” that Jerry Jones should do.
Clueless people still do not realize that Prescott is way overrated. They just point to his over inflated stats and thinks he is a great player. Most of his yards are just garbage yards when his team is down and the other team is playing prevent. Prescott lead the Cowboys to a 2-3 record and barely beating a dreadful Giants team. The team could have been easily 1-4. Is this the quarterback that you want to pay $40+ million a year for??
For a QB, the most important stat is the 3rd down completion rate when you have to throw for the first down. Prescott is only completing 56% of his throws when facing a third down. Patrick Mahomes 68%. Tom Brady 61%. Aaron Rodgers 68%. Completing 3rd down keeps the drive going and if your defense sucks..it keeps them off the field. Prescott has 12 TDs this season but it doesn’t tell the whole story. He only has 1 TD when the Cowboys are leading. The rest of his 11 other TDs came when the Cowboys are trailing. You can blame the defense but the offense has to be able to go on a long time consuming drive to keep the defense from having to constantly go back on the field. Once again, garbage yards and touchdowns.
Prescott will now be a cheerleader and will be rooting against the Cowboys. He is hoping Andy Dalton stink up the joint. He wants the Cowboys to lose every single game for the rest of the season. For every game that the Cowboys win from this point on, Prescott will be shedding more tears as he sees the leverage of his new contract swirling down the drain.
Prescott will wish that he has a time machine and go back in time and take the $105 million dollar contract that the Cowboys offered.
PARTY PLANE
(10/5/20) The Patriots are playing the Seahawks in Seattle and “it’s going to be a long flight”. A lot of sport analysts keeps making a big deal that teams have to travel cross country and its going to have a negative affect. They are absolutely clueless. The flight is the best part. We all know about “Party Buses” but it can’t compare to the “Party Plane” of the NFL.
These analysts think these players travel like us regular folks. These players are not like us having to sit in coach next to “Smelly Eddie” and feeding on bag of peanuts. It is also the only time and place that people with short legs can celebrate and make fun of tall people.
NFL team planes are like a flying entertainment palace in the sky. These players are playing Xbox. They are playing cards. They are watching movies in recliners. The recliners on these planes are as so comfortable that you can fall asleep in it if you sit for more than 5 minutes. They have an endless supply of alcoholic beverages with a bartender on board. There are no peanuts being served . Burgers and steaks are dining options for these overpaid players. You have masseuses and maybe even a comedian on board just to entertain these players. In the NBA, Toronto Raptors players can enjoy a rap concert right in the plane when Drake travels with the team.
Players do not dread traveling on the plane like us regular folks. They do dread the moment when the Captain of the plane announces that the plane will land in 15 minutes. It means the party is over……UNTIL THE RETURN FLIGHT!!
TICKET FOR ONE
(9/30/20) “It’s not about the money” is one of the biggest lie in sports. It is ALWAYS about the money. When I go for a new job, it is 99% about the money and 1% everything else. Can these athletes please spare us and not say “it’s not about the money”. Coaches are now part of the equation. This has finally been confirmed the last week.
The greatest NFL coach ever is doing a Subway commercial?? I couldn’t believe what I was seeing when I first saw the commercial. I had to run it through facial recognition to make sure that was one Bill Belichick. Head football coach of the Patriots. It is him!! The question that immediately pop into my head was why Bill?? Why? Is Bob Kraft not paying you enough? Is he in financial distress? Are bills (pardon the pun) piling up on him and his credit card bills (pun#2) are over due by 15 days? He doesn’t look like a big spender. Does he have kids with like 5 different women that we don’t know about and need to pay child support?
I am also disappointed that it was a Subway commercial. The greatest football coach of all time can’t get a better gig? Was the Q-tip commercial taken by someone else? His agent should be fired. How about calling up Rolex or Mercedes? There are thousands of luxury brand out there and Subway was the choice??Granted that Belichick has the personality of a paper plate but still I am sure he can do better than Subway.
What commercial is he going to grace us next with his beautiful presence? Here are some ideas:
Staples
Belichick: “When you have the greatest quarterback, that was easy”
Nike
Belichick: “Just do your job…just do it”
Trojan Condoms
Belichick: “When it comes to protection, I know how to protect the quarterback”
You know Bill Belichick is setting us up for an epic commercial during the Superbowl. Perhaps a pay day loan commercial is on the horizon?
TOO MUCH
(9/21/20) I try to not do too much in life. I work my 40 hours and I am out of that door. I can’t move my mouse fast enough to “start” and then “shut down” on my computer. Staying a few minutes beyond 40 hours to help a co-worker? Not a chance. I do my 10 pushups a day and that is all. Don’t encourage me to give it one more after 10. It might be too much. If there is an award for not doing too much, they should name it after me.
You hear it all the time in sports. This guy or that guy is doing too much and its hurting the team. He is not taking what the defense is giving him. Now I am confuse as heck. I always thought that coaches wanted athletes to give it their all. What about the giving it 110%? Should I play every play at 90% so I don’t do too much?
So what is exactly enough then? It would be great if coaches can tell us where is the line for enough and the line for too much. They can’t because its impossible. Or is it? After consulting my magic eight ball. The answer is it all depends on how things work out. For example. If a QB throws a 70 yard pass and it resulted in a touchdown, he is awesome. There is no criticizing. If the same QB tries to throw a 70 yard pass for a touchdown pass and it gets intercepted. He is going to be criticize for doing too much. Two exact play with two different results. A good thing happened…great play. A bad thing happened…he was trying to do too much.
The bottom line is there should not be a “doing too much” in sports. These guys are getting paid millions. Ask them if they are getting paid too much. They all want more money at every opportunity. They are expected to “do too much”. They are expected to give 110% or more. Winning is the ultimate goal in professional sports. It should be an obsession and there is no such thing as doing too much to win.
MERRY CHRISTMAS!
(9/13/20) Merry Christmas Everyone! Joy and happiness to all! I woke up today at 10am and the first thing I did was go outside to my deck. I compare this to Ebenezer Scrooge looking out his window on Christmas day. I looked to the left, then to the right and then nodded a few times to myself. A strange feeling washed over me. Why am I so happy? The world looks extra beautiful today and life feels great again. What is going on here. I can’t explain it until a reminder went off on my phone. It reads ‘hey dummy, don’t forget to set your fantasy lineup’.
Now I know why I am so excited and happy. It’s the start of the NFL season!! This is my Christmas Day not December 25th. I am so excited to open my presents at 1pm, 4pm and 8:30pm. Football fans all over will be unwrapping their presents also. Let’s take a look at their reaction.
Bears fans: “Mitch Tribusky again??, going to be another disappointing season”
Packers fans: ” We don’t LOVE this present. Maybe in a few years we will. “
Patriots fans: “What?? No Tom Brady?? We now have Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde. Smile like the Cheshire Cat when winning, Sad, dejected and pouts when we are losing”
Buccaneers fans: “OMG!!! WE GOT TOM BRADY!! WE GOT TOM BRADY!! Thank you New England!! this is the best present ever!! We are no longer losers!!”
Wishing you and your fantasy teams health, plenty of TDs, and prosperity in the coming year except if you are playing my team in that case I hope they crash and burn. Enjoy the games everyone!!
YOU CALLING ME A CHICKEN?
(9/9/20) The Chiefs and Texans are going to kick off the 2020 NFL season. I am looking forward to this game not to see Patrick Mahomes but to see a chicken…I mean..one Clyde Edwards-Helaire. Is he really really that good? During training camp this guy manages to convince fantasy teams to take him in the first round of their drafts. That’s right. He has been taken in the first round more and more in recent weeks.
The hype on this guy is just through the roof or maybe its just hot air escaping through the chimney. Teams that draft him in the first round better be right picking him over more proven RBs. The guy has never played one single down in an official NFL game. This is just hard to explain why fantasy teams loves him so much. It’s true that he plays for the defending champs but you have to take that with a grain of salt when it comes to fantasy football. If you look at the pecking order for production you have Mahomes, Kelce and maybe then Helaire. He is not even the main focus of the offense. Are the Chiefs all of a sudden going to ground and pound with Helaire? This is unlikely because you have Mahomes.
There is also another angle on this. We do not know if he is capable of picking up blitzes. Rookie RBs tend to have difficulty with this particular responsibility. Picking up blitzes in practice means nothing. If Helaire is getting Mahomes leveled because he is missing blitz pick up, he is not going to be in there long.
I am not sold on this guy being a first round pick in fantasy draft. He may be the “look good in practice guy” and people are falling hook, line and sinker. At the scouting combine, he ran a 40 yard dash at 4.6. Not exactly leaving a trail of flames behind him. He is listed at 5’7″. Not exactly someone who is going to run over you. They say he is elusive and can break tackles. You better able to do that if you are 5’7″. I compare it to like chasing a chicken. Those featherly guys are small, elusive and hard to catch.
Yes, I am calling him a chicken not you Marty.
KIRK HERBSTREIT
(9/7/20) Who said there are no good movies going on during these difficult times. We just saw a great movie and a great piece of acting from one Kirk Herbstreit. The performance was great but the MCAA has no choice but to take action. Effectively immediately, the MCAA has recall its membership from Kirk Herbstreit. The Man Card Association of America issued a statement following Herbstreit’s actions on national tv.
Statement from MCAA
“We encourage our members to show our sensitive side once in a while. We encourage actions such as cleaning the house, doing laundry, doing dishes etc to earn brownie points with our significant other. What Kirk Herbstreit did crossed the line and we at MCAA do not condone such actions. We eye rolled and gasped in horror as it unfolded and had to quickly check the calendar to make sure it wasn’t April 1st. We were hoping at the end, Herbstreit would have yelled “GOTCHA!!” and it was all a joke. The “GOTCHA!!” never came. and we had to take immediate action and revoke his man card. We will use the Kirk Herbstreit situation as a teaching tool for all our members”
There you have it from MCAA. I couldn’t believe what I was watching when it was live. It was very uncomfortable and weird. It looks like he was trying to really cry but there were no tears. Sorry, maybe I am a tad insensitive here but it was kinda pathetic. Herbstreit said he wants to help. I see plenty of protest going on. I don’t see him there holding signs and marching.
I think its safe to say a lot of us have lost respect for this guy. Was this real emotions or is there an agenda here? I have seen this video a few times and every single time I can’t help but end up laughing. Herbstreit may have ruined his reputation with this one. There is no way we look at him the same way. He is now a man without a man card.
RUN CMC
(9/3/20) SOMEWHERE YESTERDAY…
Boston, MA.- With the 1st pick in the 2020 Lobster League, Team Forever Brady selects…Christian McCaffrey.
Seattle, WA – With the 1st pick in the 2020 Rains Alot Here League, Team Pete the Carroll Cat picks…Christian McCaffrey.
Beijing, China – 随着2020年长城幻想联盟的第一顺位…长城队选择….Christian McCaffrey.
Anchorage, Alaska – With the 1st pick in the 2020 Home of Dangerous Icebergs League..Team Titanic selects….Christian McCaffrey
Moscow, Russia – с первым пиком в российском фэнтези-2020 .. Команда Nuclear выбирает …Christian McCaffrey.
Quick quiz…in the history of fantasy football…name the last white player to be selected #1 unanimously across all drafts. You can’t because there was none until Christian McCaffrey. He stands only 5’11, moves like a water bug and has great hands for a running back. Besides giving your fantasy team an edge at the running back position, Christian McCaffrey is going to change the landscape of the NFL. The NFL should market the heck out of this guy over Patrick Mahomes or Lamar Jackson. Why? Traditionally the running backs in the NFL are mostly black players. You have a better chance of seeing the Loch Ness monster sunbathing on the shore than seeing the best running back in the league white. The “White running back” does not have to go the way of the dinosaurs. White players do not need to settle for the title of just fullback or halfback. They too can be sexy. They too can be like McCaffrey, a duo threat and starter for an NFL team. White kids growing up can say that they want to play RB in the NFL and won’t get laugh at.
I have the first pick in my fantasy draft and is on the clock. Hmmm…let me think….who should I pick???
THE “BEST EVER” CRIME
(9/1/20) The “Best ever” is a term that is used way too often in sports immaturely. You should be held accountable if you choose to use that term. You can’t simply just throw that term around like a rag doll and devalue its true meaning. You need to save it and use it wisely and appropriately. This cannot happen
Last week….Me: “Damn!! this is the best burger ever!!”
This week….Me: “Damn!! this is the best burger ever and nothing can ever beat it!!”
Next week….Me:Damn!! this is the best burger in the history of all burgers!!”
You see what happened? I just committed “best ever” crime. I used the term too many times and its value is lost.
Here are some examples of premature use in the NFL. Back in 2009, Aaron Rodgers was going to be the best ever and was going to win a handful of Superbowls. 11 years later, he won 1 Superbowl. 20 years from now, we are not going to think mcuch about Aaron Rodgers being the best ever.
The great Colin Kaepernick sinks its hooks into a former NFL quarterback.
Ron Jaworski: “I truly believe Colin Kaepernick could be one of the greatest quarterbacks ever,”
7 year later…Kaepernick is more an activist than a QB.
Now we have Adrian Peterson who was once “will be the best ever” is now is returning the favor by saying this about Saquon Barkley.
Adrian Peterson: “He has the ability to be the best back to play the game.”
Saquon Barkley has been in the NFL for a long career of 2 years!
In the NFL, the “best ever” really applies to just one man. That man is Tom Brady. If you don’t know why then stick to watching bowling. You should only start the conversation of “best ever” only after the player has put in 10+ years in the league. ***In a Lebron’s voice***…Not after 1 year, not after 2 years, not 3, not 4…There are just countless example of “best ever” in sports that has failed as time unfolds.
With all these premature high praise being thrown all over the place like Jameis Winston’s accuracy, I too is heaping some high praise upon myself. I am going to be the “best ever” sports columnist in the history of sports columnist when its all said and done. The reality is 30 years from now, the prophecy will turn out to be a big fat lie. I will probably be writing sports article in my parent’s basement which I turned into a man cave. A Pac-Man cabinet arcade stands in the corner. A reminder of the good old days of spending hours in an arcade with no worries unlike the big mess we have in society right now. I will be writing articles in my underwear which I refuse to change for 4 straight days and waiting for my parents to open that basement door and wait for that glorious announcement that “dinners ready!!!”.
The “best ever” article!!
WE WANT A BIGGER HOUSE
(8/16/20) As a parent, your only wish is for your children to be safe and healthy in life. Everything else is almost secondary. There are however a group of parents that seem to value something else. It is rectangle in shape, green and has famous presidents on it.
College football’s Big Ten Conference decided to change its mind and cancel their season. It is bad news but it is not the end of the world. Everyone needs to step back from the ledge. Parents of Big Ten football players are upset and are wielding pitchforks demanding answers. Answers?? Isn’t it obvious? The school does not think its safe to play. It is that simple.
Ohio State’s Starting QB Justin Fields is severly disappointed. Someone please give his dad a tissue because he too is taking this a little hard. This was his reaction.
Pablo Fields: “I pulled over,” “It was a really, really bad day, one you’ll never forget.”
Talk about being over dramatic. No one died. We are talking about football here. If this bothered his father that much, we got bad news for him. His son will face far worse things in life than a canceled football season. He is probably upset because without a season Justin Fields will never be the overall #1 pick next year. Even with a full season, its hard to see any QB overtake Trevor Lawrence.
Let’s cut to the chase, this is not about the love of football. If after college football there is no NFL and every player has to go find a 9-5 job, would these parents be so upset about the season being canceled? Would there be an uproar and constant debate?
This is all about greed and the all mighty dollar. It also seems like the parents of seniors and juniors are the one making the most noise about wanting a season. A season will allow players to get the attention of NFL scouts, move up the NFL draft board and make more money. Bascially, this is all you need to know from the school’s point of view. Without a season, the schools are destined to lose millions upon millions of dollars. No school wants to lose millions of dollars but there is simply too much that can happen. Also, the potential of hundreds of lawsuits years from now would cripple and scare a lot of schools. You don’t really have a case if the school is willing to lose millions of dollars just to protect its students. By playing, this will open the door for some parents ready to place blame wherever they can. We do live in a happy lawsuit country and loves being the victim.
NFL SECURITY DOING THEIR JOB
(8/13/20) Undrafted cornerback, Kemah Siverand was recently cut by the Seattle Seahawks. It was just bad timing on his part. If he would have enter the hotel 10 minutes earlier or later, he would have been made good. The reason is because NFL Security had the radio on and guess what was playing at the same time Siverand and his guest was walking in…That’s right…”Dude looks like a lady” was on and it was just a perfect storm.
He decided to sneak a “lady friend” into his room by having her dress in Seahawks apparel. Not a smart move. Give the guy A for effort. On second thought, I would like to switch it to an D-. This is NFL security were are talking about!! This is not your rent a mall cop for security!! The NFL has billions of dollars. You think they are going to advertise on Craigslist looking for security? Their security at the hotel probably cost $1 million to set up. You think they just go down to Home Depot and just pick up a few cameras, hang them up and call it a day? No way!! They have infrared cameras that can pick up a cheeseburger in your jacket if its still hot.
Security wasn’t fool for one second. I am guessing maybe she forgot to take off her 10 inch platform heels. A Seahawk hoodie and high heels doesn’t make for a good fashion statement. Did Siverand do his due diligence and scope out security to see if he can actually pull this off?
Talk about a miss opportunity for someone who went undrafted but was given a great opportunity. Unfortunately, his “needs” were more important. When are players going to learn that if you break protocol, you will make headlines. Leagues are starting to send messages loud and clear.
CAN YOU SMELL WHAT IS BURNING
(8/7/20) Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice shame on me. Fool me thrice it’s a shame, I am a complete moron. The XFL should be rename to XXFL for failing twice. One more failure for the third strike and instead of the XXXFL it should just be rename to XXX and laid to rest.
But is there hope for the future? The Rock (Dwayne Johnson), Dany Garcia (The Rock’s ex-wife) and Redbird Capital are now the new owners of the XFL. The price for this great opportunity is $15 million dollars. This is not for one team but for a whole league. You can say its a bargain. It’s like buying a 6 pack of AA batteries at the dollar store for $1. Each battery might last for only 5 minutes so is it really a bargain??? The least valuable team in the NFL is the Buffalo Bills and they are worth 1.6 billion.
Someone better call the fire department. I don’t know what the Rock is cooking but its burning and the whole kitchen is on fire. I thought the Rock was smarter than this. The Rock has the “People’s Eyebrow” but when you raise both eyebrows it is no longer a cool look. This is going to happen when the XFL goes down in flames for the third time.
Another mistake in this whole deal was why would you go into business with your ex-wife? Statistics have shown that people that go in business with their exes have a .0025% of success. That is less than 1 percent. In theory, Yes, I am saying the Rock has a chance. Fighting over assets with your ex-wife once is enough. Fighting over assets twice with the same woman when the XFL goes down in flames gives further meaning to the term “dumb as a Rock”.
Maybe I am wrong in all this and the Rock can work magic. Turning sewage water into beautiful tasty wine. Turning a paper air plane into a space shuttle. Or maybe he has taken one too many body slams back in the days. Let’s just hope after this fiasco we don’t refer to him as the “Pebble”.
NO PAY TO PLAY
(8/5/20) Everyone and their grandma are always looking for a reason to get paid. Hey, I watch TV 20 hours a day and I want to get paid because I am helping with ratings. You can pretty much turn any situation into getting paid. College football is big business and players now want a piece of that revenue.
Sportscaster, former athletes, media talking heads etc thinks that college athletes should get pay. It all sound great on the surface but these guys don’t realize the chaos it is going to create. Sure, the colleges and universities are making a ton of money while the athletes are eating Ramen noodles for breakfast, lunch and dinner. This has been going on for decades and now its a problem?? It may not be fair but it works because it keeps things in order.
You cannot pay players. The biggest problem will be athletes being not satisfied and keeping score with one another. Let’s assume everyone on the football team gets paid $1000/month. You know this ain’t going to work because someone is going to feel he is worth more. A starting RB is not going to like it when the backup freshman kicker is also getting the same $1000/month. The starting RB is going to want more because he feels he is playing a bigger role on the team and has more say in the team’s success. So what do you do? Give the starting RB more? How much more? Isn’t this going create jealousy and envy throughout the locker room? How about if the QB feels he is more important than the RB and wants to get paid more than everyone else. If a player feels he is underpaid, is he then going to go on strike? Is it even possible to have a pay scale throughout college athletics?
You are going to have a situation where everyone is looking out for themselves. Forget about putting the team first. Everyone will be looking out for themselves and padding their own stats looking to get paid. The QB wants to throw the ball 50 times a game. The RB wants to carry the ball 30 times a game. It will be interesting when the ball is at the 1 yard line. Who gets the ball? QB sneak or RB dive? Hey those touchdowns under my name is worth money. How about if I am running a RPO (run, pass, option)? No way, I am pitching that ball.
When there is money infused into a situation, things get complicated and human greed is going to rear its ugly head. Players are no longer playing for each other. Paying athletes is going to ruin college sports. People need to think long and hard and the effects it will have not just because it sounds good on the surface.
WE NEED BILL
(7/31/20) I was watching Kill Bill:Volume 1 and there was a lot of bad things that happened in the movie. With that said, the NFL needs to minimize bad things from happening. The NFL need to really consider canceling the their season and start fresh next year. In the NFL, the coach is very important to a team’s success. The conversation thus far has been what is the league doing to protect its players. That is fair but what about protecting its coaches?
Imagine a scenario if the greatest coach of all time Bill Belichick gets Covid-19 and is out an extended period. The trickle down impact will be astronomical. The Patriots all of a sudden doesn’t look so intimidating as usual. The AFC East looks wide open and up for grabs. You can have Cam Newton at QB but who is going to make the in-game adjustments? Belichick sees things that most coaches don’t see. He may not call all the offensive or defensive plays but he is giving his input and tells them what he sees. A Patriots team without Brady and Belichick might not be enjoyable to watch.
The powers in the NFL will shift if some of the top tier coaches in the league are out with Covid-19. The average age of the coaches in the NFL are over 50 years old. Bill Belichick and Pete Carroll is 68 years old. They are definitely at high risk. Coaches opting out is still a question mark and it is not going to look pretty if some do. There simply is not enough time to put a backup coach in and expect him to run the ship.
The NFL should take the conservative approach and cancel the season. They need to not only think about the players but the coaches as well. The NFL needs to protect Bill Belichick and keep him coaching for another 10 years.
BE AFRAID ROGER
(7/27/20) Roger Goodell not Roger Rabbit is going to have major problems on the upcoming season. He is going to be operating in the dark. The Florida Marlins is just a forecast of what the NFL will have to deal with. There is going to be pockets of outbreaks within teams.
NFL players are worried that the NFL may not do enough to protect their safety. The main problem is not the the NFL. They can send out daily memos of protocols or have them plastered all over the locker rooms but it will be all in vain. The players are the one that are ultimately responsible for the safety of the league.
Can players stop with their “extra curricular activities” outside of football? “Extra curricular activities” are define as going to strip clubs, having house parties, groupies, etc. You have to be living under a rock in Mars if you think these players can’t be that dumb. Ezekiel Elliot and Dak Prescott had a birthday party during the peak of Covid 19. Trae Young and Buddy Hield of the NBA was out playing pickup basketball at a local gym with hundreds of strangers in attendance. Lou Williams has already shown these behaviors are still happening. They are the ones that were caught with video and photo evidence. How many were not caught? 10? 20? 50? or more than 100?.
The league instead of the players will ultimately get the blame if the season goes haywire with Covid 19. The media of course will blame the league for putting the players at risk. We currently live in a society where its easier to look upon ourselves as victims and refuse to take personal responsibilities for our actions.
HOW TOUGH ARE YA?
(7/25/20) The date was November 28, 2003. The day after Thanksgiving. I was in line for over 8 hours and questioning my sanity. I thought I saw a polar bear walking by but I was probably hallucinating from the freezing temperature. Nothing was coming between me and that 27 inch TV for $99. I was a tough hombre. Just like Alex Smith.
November 18, 2018..While playing for the Redskins back in 2018, Alex Smith took a sack against the Texans and suffered a gruesome injury to his leg. It wasn’t just an injury but an injury that almost cost him his life and doctors were fighting to save his leg at the same time.
Fast forward to 7/24/2020. The headline reads…Alex Smith is clear for all football activity. That is an absolutely incredible story. Here is a guy that not only not walk away from football but spent months and months rehabbing to come back. Is football that important? Why come back to a sport where violence cannot be avoided? Why put yourself in a situation to get injured again? Mentally, how can you not be paranoid when a defensive lineman is diving at your legs.
He almost lost his life in all of this because of the infection to his leg. That alone should make you rethink life’s priorities. He doesn’t really need the money. He has a family and kids. Go spend time with your family and friends and enjoy life. If he can’t really step away from the game, get involve with football in a different capacity. There are plenty of jobs in football. If a guy like Byron Leftwich can be a QB coach so can Alex Smith.
Football is just a game and a job no matter how you put it. Life is a bigger game with more at stakes. Unfortunately, athletes are often trap and feel there is nothing else for them outside the game. A regular person changes career on average 5-7 times in their lifetime. How come an athlete is not capable of doing something else? The media keeps portraying these guys as “Special”. Well, they are “Special” all right. They are just a one trick pony.
MORE CRAZY TALK
(7/23/20) Another edition of Athletes Crazy Talk.
Tyreke Hill is a very very fast receiver but he needs to slow down a little. Tyreke Hill predicts that the Chiefs will win 7 championship. Another athlete putting his foot in his mouth. Does he even realize how hard it is to win 7 Superbowl?? Where in Vegas can I go to bet against the Chiefs winning 7 Superbowls?
Tom Brady is the best quarterback ever. He played under the best coach in history for 20 years. He went to the Superbowl 9 times and won 6 rings. Does Tyreke HIll thinks that the Chiefs can be more dominant than the Patriot Dynasty?
The Chiefs has already won 1 Superbowl under Mahomes so we are assuming Tyreke Hill thinks the Chiefs will win 6 more. The absolute best case scenario is starting 2020 the Chiefs gets to the Superbowl 6 years in a row and win all 6 Superbowl. If that happens then they will be the greatest dynasty ever and Mahomes will be the greatest athlete ever in all of sports. Even if the Chiefs win the Superbowl every other year it will still take 12 years to win 6 championships. If the Chiefs have a drought along the way and doesn’t win the Superbowl for 2-3 years then Mahomes would need to play till 40 years old to get to 6 rings.
Too many factors need to happen for the Chiefs to win 6 more championships. The NFL salary cap alone will catch up to teams and makes it difficult to stay on top. They have already mortgage the farm on Mahomes, good luck with juggling the salary cap annually. Patrick Mahomes will need to be perfectly healthy in the next 10 years. Can he be like Brady and just go through one serious injury? Will Andy Reid will be there for 10 years and that the organization will not have any changes. This is also assuming that in the next 10 years there will never be another great quarterback to match up with Mahomes. What if Bill Belichick happens to stumble upon another great quarterback?
Tyreke Hill should have learn from Lebron’s “The Decision”. Not one, not two, not three……
FALLOUT: BREES VS. JACKSON
7/11/20
“will never agree with anybody disrespecting the flag of the United States of America or our country.”
“[white Jews] will blackmail America and [they] will extort America, but their plan for world domination won’t work if the Negroes know who they were.”
MEET “WASHER”
(7/9/20) Did you know that you can legally change your name and it doesn’t cost that much. For example, in Massachusetts it only cost $150 to change your name. That is a small price to pay to become someone else.
Speaking of name change, oh yea there is a football team in Washington looking for a name change. Not exactly looking but was forced into a name change. The brainstorming for a new name has started so we have a few suggestions.
Choice #1-If I was Dan Snyder, this choice is a no-brainer and it would fit Washington to a T. The Washington ‘Monuments” is a great name. Makes a lot of sense too. “America’s team” in the MLB.
Choice #2-In terms of making money this choice is hands down the winner and will help soften race relations in the US. The Washington Chameleon (not Comedian!) would be the choice here. We all know a chameleon can change to different colors so it would be perfect to keep everyone happy whether you are black, white, yellow, red etc
If a Geico lizard name “Martin” can make a name for himself so can this chameleon. I proposed you call the chameleon “Washer”. Washer Washington would be his full name.
When it comes to merchandising and team marketing, it doesn’t get easier than this. You can have different color chameleons jerseys. They can have different color chameleons on the helmet if they play certain teams. For example if they play the Vikings, the chameleon would be purple. If they play the Seahawks, the chameleon can be either silver or bright green. Every week will become must watch TV just to see what color the chameleon is.
GET READY FOR BOUNTYGATE 2
(7/7/20) People say and do dumb things all the time and often times its harmless. Unfortunately, DeSean Jackson decided that it was a good idea to get some attention on Instagram with his anti-Semitism posts referencing Hitler.
He just took stupidity to the next level. Where are all the people that bashed Drew Brees when he spoke his opinion on kneeling. Brees was told to shut up and was called ignorant. How come all the Black Athletes and talking heads in the media all of a sudden are not rushing to their social media account? No one wants to comment on DeSean Jackson?? Must be that it is a one-way street.
The other problem is Jackson does not realize that there are a lot of Jewish players, coaches and executives in the NFL!! Jackson not only bites that hand that feeds him, he also swallows the whole arm.
The owner and general manager of the Eagles are both Jewish. Hmmm…I wonder behind the scene how do they really feel about Jackson. Let’s see who are the other Jewish owners in the NFL that he also offended.
- Zygi Wilf-Owner of the Vikings
- Arthur Blank-Owner of the Falcons
- Mark Davis-Owner of the Raiders
- Robert Kraft-Owner of the Patriots
- Stephen Ross-Owner of the Dolphins
- Dan Snyder-Owner of Redskins
- Steve Tish-Owner of the Giants
This is a friendly advice to DeSean Jackson on the upcoming 2020 season. It would be better for him if the season is cancel. If not, he is going to hope he did get suspended. He better keep running those deep go routes. Stay away from linebackers just in case there might be some “accidental targeting”.
A sequel is also coming… Bountygate 2.
NO HE DIDN’T
(7/6/20) Cam Newton was able to convince Bill Belichick that being on the market so long has made him humble. He was going to come in, be on best behavior, work hard and prove himself. Belichick also reminds him that no one is bigger than the team and to not draw media attention and disrupt the team.
A week later….
Cam Newton: “I’m getting tired of all this humble s-t, Because, when you’re humble, they start taking advantage of you. When you don’t say nothing, they start taking advantage of you. The hyenas can be doing all of this, the elephants can be doing all of this, the giraffes, the antelopes, the chimpanzees, even the gorilla. But there’s one m———–g animal in the jungle and when he roars, everything stops. And I’m about to m———–g roar.”
Meanwhile…
Bill Belichick was just surfing the web and read what Newton said…
Bill Belichick's reaction
Cam Newton's reaction to Bill Belichick's reaction
The media and public reactions to Cam Newton's reaction to Bill Belichick's reaction
Cam Newton's reaction to everybody's reaction
Cam Newton last reaction after being released by the Patriots (Not true yet...)
LET’S OPEN UP ANOTHER
(7/5/20) There must be a lot of fish out there. Let’s open up another can of worms shall we? The NFL is going to play the Black national anthem before all week 1 games. Yes, there is a Black national anthem. It will be played before the “Star-Spangled Banner”. No word yet on whether the traditional US national anthem will be played also. No word yet if the Black national anthem will be played every single week.
I know why the NFL is doing this but isn’t this going create more tension for the league? This is throwing more gasoline into the fire. We are a divided nation at the moment.
We all know about the different opinions on kneeling. We can argue until the cows come home on whether kneeling is a disrespect to the flag. When the Bna (Black national anthem) is being played, are all players required to stand?? Can players choose to take a knee?? Those that take a knee, are they going to be destroy by certain media outlets? If it was ok to take a knee during the US national anthem isn’t it only fair that players are allow the same rights to take a knee during the Bna? We cannot have it both ways.
Those that are against kneeling will show their displeasure and will probably boo the Bna while its being played. There will be players that will take a knee. Allowing the Bna to be played will allow the “other side” to potentially voice their opinion.
Roger Goodell thinks by doing this he is narrowing the gap and uniting people. He better be right because this might further widen the gap and fan a flame that won’t easily be controlled afterwards.
COLLEGE FOOTBALL WILL BREAK AMERICA
(7/1/20) College football should cancel the 2020 season. Division 1 college football has around 130 schools. Each team can have a roster of up to 105 players. Each team have a staff of around 10 people. The math comes out to 14,950 individuals involve with college football (115×130=14,950).
If you think the Coronavirus spike currently around the country is bad now. It will only get much much worse if college football opens up shop. There is no way to keep these “kids” on lockdown during the season. They will still party. They will still drink. They will still socialize. It’s in their DNA and kids will be kids. Even if you have half of these kids being responsible, it still means 7500 are out there putting people at risk. Once it start infecting it will be spreading like wildfire. Good luck with contact tracing. They will be spreading to their classmates, fans, campus staff,opposing teams and families. You can do all the testings you want but it will be a waste. You can test a player in the morning and at night he could be out partying on campus. Are they going to test him again the next day? Are they going to test him every single day?
We get college football is big business and brings in tons of money. Tons of money will also go out. How many lawsuits are going to be filed against schools? Are schools going to require all athletes and staff to sign liability waivers? There are just simply too many things that can go really wrong.
The NBA is trying their hardest to play inside a “bubble” and this is with “adults”. One cannot imagine what a nightmare scenario it will look like with no “bubble” involving “kids”. It’s time college football and schools go on a long extended Summer vacation until 2021.
RIDING TOM BRADY’S COATTAIL
(6/30/20) Here we go. Drum roll please!!…nevermind…eye roll please. Byron Leftwich is now consider one of the league’s fastest rising coach. Why does the media and the NFL constantly try to sell us fictional news. Byron Leftwich was not in high demand one bit and after Tom Brady joins the Buccaneers he suddenly becomes a rising coach?? What a joke.
If Leftwich was going to be so great how come the Cardinals didn’t resign him after half a season to be there Offensive Coordinator and mentor Kyler Murray? So he left for the Tampa Bay Buccaneers in 2019 and became their offensive coordinator. How did Jameis Winston turn out under Leftwich? Under the great tutelage of the great Bryon Leftwich, Winston threw for a league leading 30 interceptions. Baker Mayfield is next in the INT department with 21. Leftwich has no track record of any success yet he is one of the league’s fastest rising coach??? What am I missing here?
This is a all just a big setup for him to get a coaching job. If the Buccaneers make the playoffs and somehow manages to win the Super Bowl. Leftwich supporters will point to him as the offensive coordinator and that he did a great job. In reality, Leftwich had as much to do with it as some guy name Bob who works at Home Depot. Brady knows the answers to the test. Leftwich can help by not helping. He can however prepare himself for a career after footabll as an actor by holding that playsheet and “pretend” he is calling plays for Brady to run. Showing emotions when he is “pretending” to call plays will make it more believable.
IS THAT YOU SUPERMAN?
(6/29/20) Somewhere in the beautiful landscape of New England….. “Help!”, “Help!” A little girl cries as her fluffy little kitten is stuck in the tree. Look! Up in the sky! It’s a bird! It’s a plane! Its Cam Newton????? Sorry little girl, just call the fire department. We need the real Superman not some wannabe.
Cam Newton is now a New England Patriot. Let’s take a moment to feel sorry for Jarrett Stidham. He must be really really bad for the Patriots to make this move. Bill Belichick must be so desperate that he had to resort to not Plan B, not Plan C, not even Plan D.. but Plan Y. Plan Y is pretty much the last plan before Plan Z. I guess desperate times calls for desperate measures.
Bill Belichick is now going to have to be a baby sitter and a motivational speaker. We know how Newton sulk after throwing a interception and how down he gets. Belicheck will now need to give Newton a shoulder to cry on when things go south. How are the other players going to react to Newton? Newton isn’t exactly a great lead by example kind of guy. Good luck trying to convince Julian Edelman and the veterans on this team to play hard for him.
Jarrett Stidham is the guy we should feel sorry for. You go from learning from the greatest QB in NFL history to now learning from the great Isaac Newton. Sorry, I meant Cam Newton. It is a complete downgrade. It’s like driving a BMW and now you are downgraded to riding a tricycle.
The only positive it that this is an incentive-laden deal. I hope these are some of the built in clauses.
- Must dive for all fumbles
- All frowns must be turn upside down
- No walking out of press conferences
- Stop with the “Superman” thing. Don’t disgrace his reputation.
Yes, its a minimal risk to take for the Patriots but it doesn’t mean they should do it. The Patriots have a philosophy of do your job and Newton doesn’t fit that philosophy. Maybe he is a changed man, more mature and no longer acting like a 10-year old who didn’t get what he wants for Christmas.
MATTY “ICE” IS CRACKING
(6/28/20) When you cross the street, its always a good idea to look both ways. If you constantly stare at your phone, you might end up staring at the ceiling lying on a hospital bed. In the case of Matt Ryan, he might want to look at who is in his division.
Matt Ryan just declared himself the best QB in the NFC South. We want to take his temperature but “Matty Ice” is probably still living in the ice age. Is he trying to one up Jameis Winston who just months ago said “Historically, I’m one of the best quarterbacks to play the game”. Matt Ryan has been pretty good but at the moment you are behind two other QB in your division.
Drew Brees lead the Saints to a 13-3 record in 2019. Matt Ryan didn’t do so well. His Falcons were just 7-9. Brees has 467 career TDs with the Saints over 14 seasons. Matt Ryan only 321 career TDs with the Falcons over 12 years. In fantasy draft, Drew Brees will 99.9% be drafted before Matt Ryan unless you are a big time Falcons fan. Brees has 1 Super Bowl. Quick question. What does Matt Ryan and that dude sitting on his couch with nothing on except his underwear with a slice of pizza on his left hand and a cold beer on his right hand watching the game has in common? That’s right! They both has zero Super Bowl ring.
Has Ryan been living under a rock and didn’t realize that Tom Brady is now in his division? We are not going to waste our time comparing Matt Ryan to Tom Brady. Actually, Ryan does have one advantage over Brad. He was drafted 3rd overall in 2008 and Brady was drafted with pick #50,000 in round 1000 or something.
Maybe Ryan didn’t get to finish his sentence. Maybe he meant to say he is the best QB in the NFC South…when it comes to bowling. Or maybe he meant to say he is the best QB in the NFC South…when it comes to FortNite (calm down David Price). I like Matt Ryan. He went to Boston College and that should make him smarter than most athletes. We will just chalk this up to a misspeak and cut him some slack. The city of Atlanta is a big mess and people are doing and saying crazy things and this includes Matt Ryan.
SILENCE IS GOLDEN
(6/24/20) Jerry Jones is one of the most outspoken owners in the NFL. He has been extremely quiet and has not made any statement about what is going on in our country. The media and players want him to speak but he ain’t falling for the trap.
Jerry Jones is smarter than people give him credit for. The saying goes if you don’t have anything nice to say, don’t say anything. He can say what people want to hear but that would be like lying if he doesn’t believe it. The Dallas Cowboys is “America’s Team” and Jerry Jones does not want to be “America’s most wanted”.
Drew Brees is one of the nicest guy in the NFL and has done a lot for the community. He spoke his mind and his character was shredded and became a 1000 piece jigsaw puzzle. Don’t think Jerry Jones did not notice this. Jones knows that the media, players etc are looking for one answer and one answer only. He does not want to give the answer they are looking for.
Keeping quiet is the best option at the moment especially if you are as polarizing a figure as Jerry Jones. Exercise your freedom of speech. In this case, the right to remain silent.
TAKING CHARGE
(6/17/20) The Chargers have a problem at the QB position. They currently have Tyrod Taylor as their starter and rookie Justin Herbert. We can classified Tyrod Taylor as below average at best. If a team play a Tyrod Taylor lead team 16 times, chances are great that you will win at least 14 of those games.
The (San Diego) Los Angeles Chargers is thinking about bringing in Colin Kaepernick for a workout possible in a few months. Every owner in the NFL is hoping this happens regardless if he does well or not.
Here is why. If Kaepernick is not even good enough to replace Tyrod Taylor then other teams don’t even have to bother bringing him in. Other teams can simply say why should I give Kaepernick a workout if he can’t even beat out a terrible Tyrod Taylor. Every team that doesn’t want Kaerpernick can now has an “excuse” that they are not black balling him. He is just not good enough.
If the Chargers do end up signing him, it would also be great for the rest of the teams in the NFL. What is this nonsense that the NFL is black balling him? If Kaepernick becomes a problem then its no longer a league problem but a Chargers’ problem. Kaerpernick will guaranteed to bring attention to whatever team signs him.
I like going to the circus once in a while with my kids and watch clowns juggling and elephants prancing around. If I had to deal with a Kaepernick circus on a daily or weekly basis, I would rather crawl underneath the foot of the elephant and let it trample it.
Coaches in the NFL is dealing with so much already and you think they want more on their plate? If Kaepernick gets release by the Chargers somewhere down the line, the NFL can now say they did give him a chance. This is the perfect situation for the league.
Los Angeles Chargers, the NFL will forever thank you for your bravery.
HE TOO LIKES TO LIVE DANGEROUSLY
(6/16/20) There is a blackjack scene in Austin Powers where he was dealt a total of 5 and he didn’t take a hit because he too likes to live dangerously. Lamar Jackson like to live dangerously too.
Apparently, Jackson didn’t realize that he is the starting QB for the Ravens and his career might be starting to take off. He wants to double down on living dangerously by playing football in the sand with a bunch of buddies. Let me tell you, running in the sand can be tough with your leg twisting and turning. If that wasn’t dangerous enough, Jackson decides to avoid a defender by diving into a jet ski. Don’t worry Kawasaki, your jet skis are pretty durable. I hope the jet ski is ok. Poor jet ski was just sitting there minding its own business and next thing you know this guy wants to jackknife him.
John Harbaugh has to be asking himself, is my QB really that dumb?. I just made him my starting qb last year and he is doing everything he can to be out of the league. Robert Griffin III is organizing more beach events and Lamar Jackson is the guest of honor.
FEED ME
(6/15/20) Ezekiel Elliot just tested positive for coronavirus along with a few other Cowboys. Zeke want to always get fed and I guess he had his fair share of great food at the house party. Are we really surprise here?
This should not be a shock to anyone. Back in early April, Elliot and Dak Prescott threw a house party with close to 30 guests. That’s right, this was when the coronavirus was freaking everyone out around the world and we had to quarantine. No birthday party was going to be cancel just because of some virus. Who knows if he caught the virus back in April or just recently. Here is the problem. Athletes simply cannot help themselves. They are either dumb as a rock or have this superior complex. They think they are special and better than all of us.
If Elliot and his buddies were partying when restrictions were tighten around the country, what happens as months go by and restrictions are loosened? There were probably more house parties/gatherings than people know. If they didn’t listen back then, what makes people think they will listen now? Maybe if one of them die because of the virus then it might wake them up. These guys are young, have tons of money and cannot stand boredom. People that do their best to quarantine and still get the virus then that’s very unfortunate and sad. We hope them the best. People that have half a brain, don’t listen and throw common sense out the window are people we don’t feel sorry for. Don’t be surprise that there are a large numbers of players that are infected. His buddy Dak Prescott should be awaiting the result of his test.
JOKE OF THE YEAR
Jameis Winston: “I know . . . that historically I’m one of the best quarterbacks to play the game” (6/11/20) I almost choke on my cotton candy when I read this. Having confidence is important as an athlete but over confidence sometimes may make you look like a total fool. Remember Michael Jordan shooting free throws with his eyes closed? That my friend is confidence.
Jameis Winston is extremely confidence in himself but we need to include the word “delusional” in front of it. Jameis Winston has delusional confidence.
Can someone please wake him up from this dream of his. Maybe he had one too many Jameson Whiskey when he said this. The Buccaneers seriously made a mistake by not giving him a 10 year contract. I can hear all the corners in the league praying that Winston is a starting QB somewhere in the league. Who doesn’t love padding their interception numbers. This guy is going to walk into the hall of fame one day………..as a paying guest just like you and me. Sir, that will be $30 please.
TALKING NON SENSE
Michael Irvin: “Dak has been not great, but perfect. Not necessarily in wins and losses, of course. But I’m talking about just the person that he’s been.”
(6/9/20)Michael Irvin is pushing real hard for the Cowboys to sign Dak Prescott. He also said the Cowboys ‘stole four years’ from Dak Prescott. Michael Irvin is one of those athletes that should not open his mouth. The words coming out of his mouth are good materials that I can use next time I perform at my local club on comedy night.
Irvin said Prescott is perfect but not necessarily in wins and losses. What?!! News flash for Michael Irvin….QBs in the NFL are paid to win games and Superbowls everything else is secondary. Winning games thus is a necessity!! If we subscribe to Irvin’s view, the Patriots should just give me a contract to be their quarterback. I am not going to win a single game but I am a perfect human being. I can cook, I volunteer, I love to clean, I help old ladies cross the street and rescue kittens on my days off.
If the Cowboys make Prescott the highest paid QB, it would “probably” come with the expectation that he could lead them to a Superbowl. This is the type of return I expect if I was an owner paying out $40 million a year for a QB.
HERE IS WHAT WILL NEVER HAPPEN
Dak Prescott: Hi Jerry, sorry for not winning a playoff game again this year. I know you made me the highest paid QB in the league.
Jerry Jones:Hey Dak, it’s ok buddy, just like Michael Irvin said as long as you are a perfect human being that is all it matters. Winning Superbowls are not important. The important thing is we have fun.
Prescott: So you didn’t pay me all this money to win games?? I guess Michael Irvin was correct, as long as I am a good human being I deserve all this money.
Jerry Jones: Now you got it!! Why don’t you come over this weekend and help me clean my yard. We can bbq afterwards. I paid you $40 million a year to be a great human being.
HERE IS WHAT WILL 100% HAPPEN
Dak Prescott: Sorry about not winning another playoff game.
Jerry Jones: #$^@$^$!@@!$%()_+”:<$%^@**(^!!!$^{|?>,\Fu_c#, MF%#$@%!!!!!
**due to FCC regulations, we cannot tell you what he said but it’s basically him swearing non stop for 30 minutes**
THEY “PICKED” THE WRONG GUY
Booger McFarland is no longer a member of the Monday NIght Crew in the booth. I can hear NFL fans all over the country standing in unison in their living room and clapping. We no longer have to turn down the volume to our television. The NFL sure know how to “pick” them..pun intended. They replace a dull and cliche’ filled Jason Witten with a useless Booger McFarland.
Remember back in the day of wresting there was this heel who would call himself “Brother Love”? Well, Booger McFarland is the “Brother Love” of Broadcasting. Booger would love so many things in the game. It doesn’t matter what the first play of the game was, he would LOVE IT. If a team runs the ball on the first play, he would say he LOVED that the team is trying to establish the run. If a team throws on the first play, he would say he LOVED that the team is trying to establish the passing game. He would also LOVE every player. Every single player is the “best in the league” and every coach is “so smart”
Question:..what does a jellyfish and Booger McFarland has in common? Answer: they both have no backbones. He is afraid to say anything negative throughout the whole broadcast. If someone commits a dumb penalty. He would flip it around and say at least he played hard. Viewers wants the real analysis and so please tell us what is really going on.
His job is a color analyst and he is taking it to the wrong level. Every words that comes out of his mouth paints a beautiful picture filled with beautiful rainbows, a model running in slow motion on the beach, kittens and puppies playing with each other on a perfect lawn. This is football! To borrow a line from an coach. Do you job!! It’s your job to show us things or explain things that are happening. Booger McFarland wanted to be liked by all the players and coaches. This kind of approach will not make you a good analyst. I would suggest he enroll in Tony Romo’s school of broadcasting.
TOM BRADY’S NOT BEING A PATRIOT
The Patriots made a huge mistake by not signing Tom Brady. It’s impact will be felt all over New England. We bring you both sides of the stories.
Driving snow storm in the middle of December in New England. 5 degrees out with wind chill of -15. Patriots are playing the Packers. You have tickets and ask your buddy to go.
Jarret Stidham at QB
You nuts??!! I ain’t freezing my butt off and I ain’t sitting in traffic for hours. I rather watch Frosty the Snowman tonight.
Tom Brady at QB
Dude I am in!! I want to go early so we can tailgate and I rented a snow plow that we can drive to the game. I am going to wear 2 pairs of jeans and 3 jackets. We are good to go!! Go Patriots!
Little Joey with mom at the Patriots ProShop looking at a Jersey.
Jarrett Stidham at QB
Mom: Who is Jarrett Stidham? Never heard of him. I ain’t buying that for $99. I don’t even make that much in a day. Honey, let’s go over to the mall and I’ll just get you a Spongebob T-shirt and some Ice-cream.
Little Joey: Deal! Only if I get sprinkles on my ice cream too. He sucks anyway.
Tom Brady at QB
Mom: OMG!! It’s Tom Brady’s jersey!! Honey, its $149.99 so we can only get 5. One for me, one for your dad, one for you and 2 for your two sisters. Look!! It’s winter gloves with #12 on it. It is so cute! Let’s grab 6 of those at $20 a piece. Let’s come back tomorrow for more!
Little Joey: Your are the best mom ever!! I promise to do chores until I am 40.
Canton, Ohio- Hall of Fame Speech
Jarrett Stidham at QB
Tom Brady: I am going into the Hall of Fame as a Tampa Bay Buccaneer.
Tom Brady at QB
Tom Brady: Playing for New England is the best thing that has ever happen.
Bob Kraft: Tommy, to thank you for all your work, you now own 100% of the Patriots.
Bill Belichick’s record
Jarrett Stidham at QB
2020 (2 wins -14 losses)
2021 (1 win – 15 losses)
2022 (Fired)
Tom Brady at QB
2020 (wins Superbowl, ring #7)
2021 (wins Superbowl, ring #8)
2022-Brady and Belichick retires and becomes fishing buddies.
CAN’T NEWTON
(5/18/20) Cam Newton is still a free agent and the truth is coaches do not want to deal with him. Forget the injury. When he wins, he thinks he is Superman. When he loses, he becomes Sulkman. Don’t forget about not diving for the football in Superbowl 50. Biggest stage and the world gets a glimpse of how soft this guy is and how much he really wants to win. It was still a close game. He didn’t want to get injure. He should just make a career change. Instead of pads and cleats, he should take up a little racket and play badminton. If you are his teammates, would you run through the wall for this guy? If you are a coach, what is your message to the team? I want you all to play hard and give it 110% except for Cam. Cam is allowed to give 25% because he said he doesn’t want to get hurt. If there is a fumble, you guys need to jump on it. Cam will be in a different zip code as the football. There is only one real Superman.
WHAT IS ELITE?
Dak Prescott wants to be the highest paid QB in the NFL. He is looking for $40 million a year. That is absolutely ludicrous. He has his moments but when things go south, he panics, tucks the ball and runs with it. He is afraid to make that tough throw.
Not many teams fear playing a Cowboys team led by Dak Prescott. A 42-year old Tom Brady instantly made the Buccaneers a threat in the league and the confidence on that team went up another level. Prescott is not even close to being on that same tier of elite and wants to be paid like one?? To be the highest paid QB means 99% of the teams in the league would love to have you as their QB. Going back to Brady as an example. This sums up the Patriots-Falcons Superbowl.
Falcon players:
“They ain’t never seen anything like us. We about to put up 40 on them.” “Bro, its Tom Brady though.”
That is the ultimate sign of respect and fear. Only the very best can command this. Dak Prescott is not even close to being this mold as a player and does not deserve the tag of highest-paid QB.
THE FIX IS IN
The NFL know how to market their product. Lamar Jackson was the talk all last year until he flamed out against the Titans in the Divisional Playoff. Don’t worry Lamar, the NFL will make it easy for you to get to the AFC Championship. How? The NFL just gave the Ravens the easiest schedule. The NFL wants to see only one scenario in the AFC Championship game. They want to setup a Mahomes vs Jackson showdown. Any other match up would be a let down.
The yellow brick road has been paved for the young Jackson. Whether he gets there to peak behind the curtain to reveal Roger Goodell is all on him.
MY NAME IS MOSS
Randy Moss will go down in NFL as one of the most dangerous receiver. If I tell you he has a son, you would think teams would be salivating to draft him. After 255 picks in the 2020 NFL draft, Thaddeus Moss WAS NOT drafted.
He played Tight End for a big time college program in LSU and throw in his surname and he didn’t even get drafted even in the late late rounds?? Yes, during the combine it was revealed he had a fracture in his right foot but he was going to be ready when the season rolls around. It also doesn’t help that he is a Tight End. If he was a Wide Receiver in the mold of his dad, lean with “see you later sucker” speed and great hands, he was certain to get drafted. The lesson here is just because your dad is great doesn’t mean you can follow in his footsteps. Michael Jordan’s two sons did not even make it into the NBA.
THEY WILL PAY
It is probably one of the dumbest thing you can say before playing a down in the NFL. You will make all the teams that bypass you in the draft pay. Justin Jefferson was drafted at pick #22 by the Vikings and immediately he wants to know how his foot taste so he put his foot in his mouth.
He better have a long and very productive career culminating with an induction into the Hall of Fame. Time will tell but he is setting himself up for failure. Confidence is something but playing against corners in NFL vs college is night and day. You are not simply going to run past them like you run past some 18 year old freshmen in college. While covering you he is thinking about what toppings he wants on his pizza for dinner. Coaches in the NFL will scheme and double team you if you have any success. If he falls flat on his face, he will be known as JJ. No, not Justin Jefferson but “Just Joking” when he made the comment.
CHESS ANYONE?
Bill Belichick is smarter than your average bear in the league. Many in the league thinks Belichick plays chess while the rest of the league plays checkers. Why would we think that?
GOAT
How much would you be willing to pay to spend time with a GOAT?
$20, if you want to see a goat at your local zoo. This GOAT however will cost you $800,000. That is the final auction bid to spend a day with Tom Brady in the Fanatics All-In Challenge.